There's Not A Wind But Whispers Of Thy Name
by Magic Within Us
Summary: Part two of a slightly more realistic rewrite of the Twilight series, preceded by Other Men It Is Said Have Seen Angels. Bella Swan is starting her senior year in Forks with an undead boyfriend, a new baby brother, and some newfound fears for the future. Unfortunately for her, the present and the past turn out to be far more threatening.
1. Chapter 1

" _There's not a wind but whispers of thy name; and not a flow'r that grows beneath the moon, but in its hues and fragrance tells a tale of thee, my love." – Byran Procter_

CHAPTER ONE

I MET MY BROTHER on a hot September evening in California. To my eternal gratitude, he was not born on my birthday, the 13th. No, my brother decided to show up early, much like I had, but not to my extreme. He wasn't premature, but he did decide to send my mom into labor early in the morning of September 10th, a blindingly sunny Saturday.

By the time Ed and I got there, it was just past nine in the evening. The sun had completely sunk behind the horizon, obscuring the city in shadows, to be slightly overdramatic. Like most cities, Stockton had two faces; the polished downtown overlooking the waterfront, and the gray toned inner city. In the dark, they didn't look all that different.

Mom was giving birth at Dameron Hospital, a blocky, vaguely off white building, the sign lit up in blue and white in the night. Edward let me out while he went to find a parking spot, and thanks to his…. enhanced speed… he darted into the elevator just before the doors closed. I stared at him, more in exasperation than shock, but said nothing, silent with anxiety and expectation as we got off on the correct floor.

The room was eerily quiet; Phil was dozing in a chair, his baseball cap pulled down over his face, but Mom was wide awake yet completely mute, gazing down at the blue bundle in her arms. She looked up when we entered the room, beaming. Ed lingered in the doorway, but I awkwardly approached the bed, waving.

"Alexander Philip Dwyer," she said eagerly to me, offering the bundle. "We'll call him Alex."

I immediately backed a step away, shaking my head. "Mom, I don't think I should-," Clumsiness and newborn babies did not mix.

"Oh, hold your brother," she scolded, and I gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed, and looked at the wrinkled red face peeking out of the blanket in my lap.

Alex looked more like a raisin than an infant, but I'd never been a baby person to begin with. I didn't feel any immediate rush of sisterly affection, but he did seem… sort of familiar. I thought I saw the same nose as mine, tiny as it was. This all felt a bit surreal. I was nearly seventeen years older than him; would we ever really have much of a relationship? I'd see him at holidays and in the summer, I supposed, but would he even know who I was? By the time he was my age I'd be only a couple of years younger than Mom's age now.

"Edward, come see him," Mom urged from the bed, and I rolled my eyes halfheartedly as he cautiously approached. To my relief- or my annoyance- both of my parents had immediately taken to my boyfriend, in spite of the whole 'running away to Phoenix' thing. After my grounding had concluded Dad had been perfectly content to let me spend the majority of my summer with Ed, and Mom was constantly gushing about 'well suited to each other' we seemed over the phone. And to my shock, Dad had seemed fine with the two of us driving across state lines today, unaccompanied, although he had given me an early birthday gift, a Samsung, before we left.

"He's going to grow up to be very handsome," Edward noted sagely, and I gave him a look. Last I had checked, he was not the Cullen with the prophetic powers.

"Just like his daddy," Mom cooed, and I happily handed Alex back to her.

"Sorry we didn't get here in time for the delivery, Mom." I wasn't actually sorry at all, as birth tended to involve a lot of blood, which was not something I or Ed should be around, but I tried to sound apologetic.

"It's alright," she waved it away. "You didn't have to drive all this way on a Saturday- Phil got the whole thing on camera, besides."

I tried not to look vaguely queasy.

In the slightly nauseating hospital cafeteria, Edward and I shared a small table in a corner, both respectively picking at our food.

"So," Ed sipped at a soda gone flat, his long fingers beating a nervous staccato on the table top- I felt his pain, hospitals made me just as uncomfortable, although he was the one with the doctor father.

"How does it feel to be a big sister?" His tone was half teasing, half serious.

I gesticulated with a limp French fry. "First of all- I am not a big sister, I'm more like- I don't know, an aunt or something; it's not like we'll ever live in the same house… I don't know! It's weird. Really weird. I never thought Mom would… you know." I shrugged. I wasn't quite sure how to communicate it; I wasn't upset that Mom and Phil had wanted a child; this was probably Phil's only chance to be a father. I'd been practically an adult by the time he met my mom. But now that there was a child everything was suddenly different, at least to me.

"She seems happy enough," he commented neutrally.

"Of course she is, she's got a brand new baby to play dress up with-,"

"Isabella Swan, are you _jealous_?" he cut me off incredulously, green eyes gleaming with amusement.

"I'm not jealous of someone two hours old," I said haughtily, and then, seeing the look on his face, relented. "Fine. Maybe slightly, but it's not- it just makes it all that much more official, I guess. Her and Phil and the baby. The _Dwyers_."

"She loves you to death," Ed said seriously. "I can see it." He reached across the table to squeeze my hand.

I shrugged, flushing. "I _know_ she does. It'll just take some getting used to, I guess." I wiped my hands briskly on a napkin and jumped up, stumbling in my haste, to empty my tray.

I'd promised to call Dad, so I did in the parking lot, on the way to the Volvo- Phil had gotten us two rooms at a nearby, relatively safe Holiday Inn, obviously putting a lot of trust in an almost seventeen year old and someone in their early 100s. Dad sounded reasonably happy to hear about the new baby, and I assured him that we'd be back by Sunday evening.

My birthday was Tuesday, after all. The Cullens were promising a party.

Jesus Christ, did I get a party.

 _It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to..._

 _\- Lesley Gore, 'It's My Party'_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to Vagabonda, jansails, Capricorn75, and csp4 for your reviews, Arwen-MidnightSun85, Camilla10, Capricorn75, DawnsWhimsy, ERCommandoTwilight, Mistress-Volturi-09, Oopsadaze, Pa Trizia 88, Sukiethree, WingsOfEyeliner, kakins48, pixiekat7, sparkledamnu, tigger5600 for your follows, and ERCommandoTwilight and csp4 for your faves._

CHAPTER TWO

I DIDN'T WAKE UP HAPPY on the morning of my birthday. Instead I woke up disoriented, a common feeling after a night of nightmares. For the most part, my strange dreams had seemed to be much more infrequent since my slightly… well, very…. traumatizing spring. For the most part, I'd slept easy all summer. I supposed it made sense that they would be coming back with the stress of my senior year; upcoming college applications would do that to you.

But they'd been weird, even for me. I'd dreamt of varying odd things; Mom had been rocking a baby in my dreams, but it hadn't been Alex, and when I tried to tell her she refused to believe me, no matter how much I insisted that the baby was not hers. I'd been confined to a bed, hooked up to an IV, in a room full of party balloons, and they'd slowly began to pop themselves, one by one. Edward had been younger; not a teenage boy but a child, throwing his skinny arms around my waist and gazing up at me adoringly. And finally, I'd dreamt of James and Victoria, animalistic grins melting like candle wax on their not-quite-human faces, singing happy birthday to me.

For a few moments I simply sat in my bed, trying to regain some sense of reality. Mom and Alex were in California with Phil. I certainly wasn't ill or injured in a hospital anymore; the only reminders of my 'accident' back in March were a few faint scars on my scalp, face, and neck. Ed was very much seventeen, not seven, and he wasn't changing any time soon. And James was dead and Victoria gone. Long gone. The Cullens had been on the lookout. It didn't seem as though she had any intentions of returning.

To further reassure myself that all was right with the world, I peered out my window, pushing aside the curtains. Good old gray light. Things were fine. Everything was normal, or as normal as it got in Forks. I was much more relaxed as I got ready for school, but the nagging sense of unease remained in the back of my mind, perturbing me. I hadn't felt like this in months, and I couldn't think of what could have specifically triggered it.

I tended to avoid the things that brought back unpleasant memories. I didn't visit cities; when I'd been in Stockton over the summer I'd stayed inside as much as possible. I didn't go places alone, especially not at night. I steered clear of the field where I'd watched the baseball game that stormy evening. I didn't answer the house phone when it rang, or even my new cell phone. That was why we had answering machines, right? I held my breath while I pumped gas, shied away from mirrors…

Alright, maybe things weren't fine. But no one was actively trying to kill me at the moment, so I counted that as a plus.

I could hear Dad rushing around downstairs as I finished changing, and winced, hoping Mom hadn't put him up to some birthday morning surprise. I'd never been one for making a big fuss over my birthday; I didn't even like cake all that much. And seeing as Dad wasn't the most… celebratory… person to begin with, I could only imagine how awkward this might be. Besides, he'd already given me his gift, the new cell phone.

I cautiously went downstairs, forcing a small smile as I entered the kitchen, and gaped at what greeted me. A heaping stack of pancakes was sitting on a plate in front of my usual seat, drizzled with maple syrup and covered in whipped cream. A tall glass of orange juice had also been provided. Two cards sat beside the plate, with a box next to it. Dad hovered nearby, or as much as someone who was over six feet in height could hover, an awkward smile exactly like my own mirrored on his face.

"Dad," I said blankly. "You made _pancakes_?"

After I'd gotten out of the hospital I hadn't really been able to cook for us for a while, so Dad had, metaphorically speaking, stepped up his game, and we now took turns cooking, but still, pancakes were a big leap from reheated mac and cheese casseroles.

"They might be a bit burned on the bottom," he said, sheepishly.

I wordlessly stepped over to hug him, and he reciprocated. "Happy seventeenth, Bells."

One card was from him, one from Mom and Phil, as was the present, a brand new camera. I'd started to get interested in photography over the summer; as I'd never seen myself as someone with very many interests, beyond reading and music, this had caught me off guard. But Forks was prime picture-taking territory, I'd quickly discovered. I also had a lot more pictures of Ed than I'd like to admit.

The pancakes were a bit crisped, but I could still appreciate them with every bite, and I stowed my camera away into my backpack as Dad left for work, after wishing me a happy birthday yet again. It was a happy birthday, I reassured myself, trying to push all my worries away. I had a boyfriend, friends, and family who loved me, I would be done with the monotony of high school in one more year, and then I would... I would…

I shook my head a little, as I rinsed off my dishes in the sink. Now was the not the time. _Happy_. Happy birthday. I was going to be happy on my birthday, starting now.

I blasted the radio on my way to school, humming along to Fall Out Boy, and reminding myself of everything I had to look forward to today. The school year was still just starting, so now major projects had been assigned yet, and my homework load hadn't reached peak levels. By a stroke of luck (or conniving on Edward's part), he and I had six of my eight classes together. I'd still had room in my schedule for a lunch and I had with my friends.

After a few months of being tutored by someone who'd had years to practice his math skills, pre-calculus wasn't looking as hellish. Gym this year mostly consisted of walking around the track. And I had the birthday party at the Cullens' after school to look forward to, and I _was_ looking forward to it, despite my aforementioned distaste for birthday celebrations. I'd promised Jess, Mike, Angela, and Ben that Ed and I would go see a movie with them this Friday, to boot.

By ceaselessly bombarding myself with happy thoughts, and carefully lining up the less happy thoughts in a dark corner of my mind, my good mood managed to continue even after I'd switched the radio off and killed Toy Truck's engine, scrambling out and down from it. I spotted more than a few familiar faces in the parking lot and halfheartedly waved at all of them, flushing at the 'Happy Birthday, Bella!'s I got. Another con of living in town like Forks: everyone knew everyone's birthday.

A suspiciously muttering group was very obviously waiting for me on the sidewalk. I saw Edward's familiar knowing smirk first and rolled my eyes as I waited for the onslaught.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Jess and Alice shrieked at exactly the same time- clearly this had been coordinated, and I found myself being hugged at the same time by two rather short people. A container was shoved into my not-waiting hands, which I of course almost fumbled.

"I baked you cookies," Jess informed me smugly. "And I asked Ed what type you liked so you can't not eat them."

"Traitor," I glowered at him.

"That's me, your treacherous boyfriend," he replied with a decidedly un-angelic smile.

"Mike, did your mom get my message about my shift today?" I asked him, deciding to ignore the cackling trio of my boyfriend, his sister, and my best friend for now.

"That's my present," he grinned. "Mom switched it with someone else's. She said she'd see you Thursday, and to enjoy your day."

I frowned. "She didn't have to do that, I was only going to work until six anyways-,"

I'd gotten a job at Mike's parents' store in August, which was helping (minorly) with my college fund. The Newtons were such easygoing people it almost made me paranoid.

"Gifts are for thanking, not for complaining," he retorted, and I begrudgingly conceded.

Angela and Ben, smiling, handed me a copy of _The Historian_ (which I'd been wanting to read for the past few months but had been a bit wary of, seeing as the subject matter hit a little too close to home), and I hesitantly thanked them. Of all my friends, Angela at times seemed the most perceptive, the most watchful, if not exactly suspicious, of the Cullens, and sometimes I had to wonder if she knew more than she let on. But if she did, she never gave any signs of it, and I was left with my wonderings.

"My gift for you is at home with all of ours," Ed told me as the warning bell rang, and everyone broke off to go to their separate first period classes.

I scowled at him. "We both know there is absolutely no need for your entire family to get me presents-,"

"Tell my mom that," he shrugged a little too breezily, and took my hand as we walked to class together.

I tried to shake off my concerns over the presents- the Cullens didn't throw money around, but in my eight or so months of knowing them I understood that they did have money- lots of it. Supposedly Rosalie and Emmett were off attending Dartmouth and Jasper was at Rice- whether they were actually there or not was another matter entirely, but either way, the Cullens had accumulated more than a little wealth over their time together.

According to Edward this wasn't unusual among the more stable, peaceful covens, but it still took as much getting used to as it would have had I been dating an entirely normal boy from an entirely normal wealthy family.

The school day passed quickly and thankfully, quietly, with the exception of lunch, which was about as loud as could be expected at a table with Jess, Mike, and Alice at it. When the final bell rang it was raining outside, but, to my happy surprise, it was a clear, fresh sort of rain, rather than a melancholy drizzle. Ed and I had plans for before the party- I wanted to get some pictures of the meadow, which was by far my favorite place to photograph. I'd never captured the wildflowers in the rain, either.

"Did you pick up those scholarship forms they were talking about in the announcements?" he asked, as I carefully guided Toy Truck down the familiar rocky dirt road leading to our favored getaway spot.

I sighed and said nothing, biting my lip. This was exactly the sort of conversation I'd been so relieved to avoid today.

"Bella," he scolded. "It's not like you have anything to worry about; your grades are excellent-,"

"I'm not," I said more shortly then I intended, and then braked suddenly as the road came to a dead end. Rain pattered innocently on the windshield. "I'll pick them up tomorrow."

He regarded me carefully as I pulled out my camera and looped the strap around my neck, adjusting the collar of my jacket.

"I just don't want you to-," Ed stopped himself and I looked at him.

"To what?"

"To get… caught up, and lose sight of-,"

I glared at him freely, kicking open my door with my bad leg and regretting it, as a familiar ache crept up it. I'd never been an athlete before, but I did have a barely noticeable limp with it now. "Are you suddenly my guidance counselor? I did survive two and a half years of high school before meeting you, you know."

"You know what I meant," he said irritably, climbing down gracefully from the passenger side as I stalked around the front of the truck. "And I know that, that's why I don't want you to get held back by-,"

"You aren't holding me back," I retorted indignantly. "It's not like we're cutting classes to smoke pot, for chrissake. We're in a relationship. We spend time together. We are perfectly norm-,"

"You know that's not true," Edward muttered, and I wheeled around to face him, silent.

"Bella, your life is just starting, is all I'm trying to say," he said quietly. "And mine was over before we ever met. I don't want you to put things on hold for something that-,"

"That can't last?" I snapped. "Was that what you were going to say?"

"No!" he snapped back. "But you have to think of your future! Beyond here!"

"Don't act like my parent," I sneered. "We're technically the same age now."

"Not when you behave like a silly little girl!"

I stared at him in shock, clutching my camera. The rain lightened for a moment, and it was close to completely silent, aside from the whisper of the breeze in the trees and the steady drips all around us.

Edward looked stricken. "I'm sorry- that was-,"

"Is that what you really think of me?" I demanded, more shrilly than I'd like to admit. "After everything- you think I'm some little _kid_ playing make believe in the woods out here with you?!"

"No," he said hastily, approaching me. "No, Bella- that's not what I meant, I just… I just worry."

"Well, there are probably better ways to show it," I said coldly, and looked down at my camera. "I don't feel like taking pictures anymore. I'll get them some other time. Let's just go." I didn't want to go to the meadow like this. Not when we were fighting, and especially not when I was upset. It had become almost sacred to me- it represented, above all, my peace of mind; that everything would be alright in the end. And everything was not alright right now.

 _When the stitches are removed, I'll be sitting there with you..._

 _\- Chris Cresswell, 'Stitches'_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you to Vagabonda, Capricorn75, corkykellems, snowflakelover, SarcasticBimbo, and csp4 for your reviews, CarryOnMyWaywardSonKansas, Mitzi1958, SarcasticBimbo, WingsofEyeliner, book65worm, corkykellems, snowflakelover, tigger5600, and yuriana for your follows, and Mitzi1958, SanguineTaurean, SarcasticBimbo, Vagabonda, azilia, book65worm, csp4, snowflakelover, and yuriana for your faves._

CHAPTER THREE

The drive to the Cullen house was silent on both our parts. I was mute both because I was giving Edward the cold shoulder, still incensed at his insinuation that I was living in denial. He was one to talk! In reality, it wasn't as if one of us had one-sidedly pursued the other to begin with, but it was too easy for me to paint him as the instigator of all of this in my mind. I was thinking of the future, but was it so bad to want to just exist in the present. The future of us wasn't the only thing I had to worry about. He'd already been to college dozens of times; he didn't have to worry about applications and interviews.

However, by the time we were pulling up in front of the pristine white farmhouse, my simmering outrage had softened into a more subdued general feeling of disappointment. We hadn't had a spat like that in a long time, and to fight on my birthday, of all days, was especially bad. The rain had ceased completely as we walked up to the front porch, and the clouds had lightened, as if the sun were actually threatening to peek out, if only for a little while.

I could feel him looking at me out of the corner of my eye as I prepared to knock. I sighed.

"Look, let's just forget about it," I tried to sound more upbeat than I felt. "I don't want to ruin the party."

He nodded stiffly, and the door flew open.

"They're here!" Alice sang out brightly, clapping her small hands together once in excitement, before dragging us both inside, the door swinging shut behind us. The normally neutral shades of the interior of the house were now interrupted with sudden pops of color, _every_ color; balloons festooned every corner, fresh flowers; roses and lilacs and carnations and sunflowers were everywhere, and across the French doors leading out the massive lawn hung a makeshift banner.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BELLA! it read cheerfully, in blood red paint.

I blinked rapidly, trying to take it all in.

"I know your favorite color is brown," Alice rolled her eyes, "But I thought you wouldn't mind a little bit of variety-,"

"It looks like you nuked a bag of skittles in here," Ed observed calmly.

She scowled, before leading us to where the rest of the Cullens were, smoothing her party dress. They had all dressed up for this, I realized, guiltily, Alice in sparkling sequins over black lace, ending at her knobby knees, Esme in a more restrained pale cherry blossom number, and even Rosalie was there, I was shocked to see, in a simple blush colored chiffon party dress. The boys and Carlisle were in dress shirts and ties, and even Edward had worn a forest green button down today and his nicest jeans.

I stood there in a navy blue blouse, capris, and faded converse, with a battered windbreaker to top it all off, and tried not to look completely dumbfounded.

A small table had been brought out in the center of the room, a small cake resting on it- a mint chocolate chip layer cake, the only type of cake I could even be tempted to eat. Seventeen white candles were carefully arranged on it. Presents were stacked around the table- not very many, but enough that I still went bright red.

"You guys didn't have to come," was all I could manage to say, mostly to Emmett, since I didn't trust Rose not to glare if I looked at her directly, and she'd been doing so well to begin with. "I know you were kind of on… vacation."

Emmett, big and brawny as ever, snorted and clapped me on the shoulder, making me stagger. Rose's heart shaped face had the tiniest of smirks on it. "We wouldn't have missed this for the world."

"Happy birthday," Esme told me, kindly- she said everything kindly, and it was hard to get annoyed with her about it, because she was just that sincere. Carlisle smiled silently beside her.

Alice, barely able to contain herself, shoved the first tightly wrapped package in my hands. It was heavy, and I had to set it on the floor to unwrap it, wondering what in the world it could be.

"A stereo?" I croaked, staring at the box. "Will this even- my truck's so _old_."

"And we're dragging it into the twenty first century, kicking and screaming," Emmett snickered. "That one's from me, Rosie, and Jas."

"I don't know how I'm going to install this," I muttered, shaking my head. "But thanks."

"I've got it," Rose spoke up for the first time, plucking it as if it weighed no more than a pillow from my grip, and gliding out the door with it as if she were about to walk the catwalk.

I stared after her, wondering if this was the first time she'd ever spoken directly to me. Birthday wonders never ceased.

The next present was already being placed in my hand as I straightened up, but it was much smaller and far lighter, a small square-ish box.

"This one is from Eddie and me," Alice said eagerly, hazel eyes wide in anticipation.

I fumbled with the wrapping paper, but successfully dislodged it, and was just about to lift the cover of the little box when several things happened, all at once.

From outside the house, Toy Truck's alarm began to blare, echoing throughout the quiet house, all around the clearing.

An odd scream I had never heard before rang out, so piercing that I winced.

Emmett roared and bolted in the direction of the scream, smashing through one of the large front windows out onto the porch in a matter of seconds.

Alice stiffened and wavered slightly as if she were about to faint, the previous expression sliding off her face like a mask as it went slate-blank.

Jasper was at her side in an instant, his arms wrapping around her small frame as it trembled like an iron shield.

And finally, Edward whirled towards the direction of the alarm and the screaming, shoving me behind him, sending me straight into my birthday cake.

I fell on my side, and although I was pretty sure that was going to leave a bruise and was momentarily winded for a few moments, I quickly scrambled up, wiping icing off my face and crumbs from my hair. I had no idea what was going on, but I wasn't about to get caught up in the middle of a vampire showdown and end up in the hospital again, either.

The Cullens had all exited via the Emmett-shaped hole in the window, and I ran up to it to stare out the front of the house. I wasn't sure what I had expected, but this wasn't it. Rosalie was huddled on the ground, Emmett in front of her, growling deep in his throat. Carlisle and Esme stood in before them in turn, Edward and Jasper flanking them. Alice was on her knees in the grass, clutching her head.

The threat they were all facing was not anything I ever could have imagined. It appeared at first glance to be two middle schoolers. I slowly crunched over broken glass, standing on the porch, staring.

There were certainly two of them, and neither could have been any older than twelve; they were as short as Alice if not shorter, and traces of childish baby fat still clung to their small forms. At first I assumed they were both boys; both had that androgynous pre-pubescent look to them, but after a few moments I heard the one speaking, and she was clearly female. Still, there wasn't much difference between them.

Both had pale brown hair trimmed very neatly to frame their slightly rounded faces. The boy's hair might have been a shade darker and slightly shorter than the girl's, but other than that they were nearly identical. Both were exceptionally pale. Both wore very neutral clothing in every sense of the word; it almost looked like a school uniform; a white button down shirt tucked into black pants, and a dark red blazer, and it was neither modern nor old fashioned.

I still had no idea what had caused Rose to scream and scream like that; the two- they had to be twins- were a bit disturbing, but not terrifying, and Rose didn't seem the easily frightened type. Then they both turned their heads at the exact same time, staring directly at me with hollow eyes and doll-like expressions, and I felt my skin physically crawl. There was something, very, very wrong about them.

"It's the birthday girl," the girl twin said sweetly; and suddenly there was an ache in my bones, like the sort you get when you're sick or exhausted. I wanted to sit down.

"Just who we came to see," the boy twin agreed, his voice equally angelic, and my vision blurred as if I were about to faint, my ears starting to ring slightly.

"Stop it!" I heard Ed snarl.

"Or what?" the girl twin snickered. "What will you do, exactly?"

I took a slow step forward.

"She's tough," the boy twin said in a high, curious tone. "Look at her keep coming like that."

The ache in me increased, but it was nothing, I convinced myself, compared to what James had put me through. Nothing.

There was a sudden odd silence, and then the girl twin shrieked in frustration, and I felt pounds lighter, the ache having vanished. I blinked and I could see clearly once more; sound came rushing back in and I no longer felt as though I were sleep walking.

"This isn't fair!" she snapped indignantly, while I braced myself on the porch railing, still staring at the two of them, and the silent Cullens. "What's- this is some trick! She's _human_! I should have her writhing on the ground by now!"

The boy twin looked similarly disconcerted, and then whispered something to his female counterpart. Her eyes narrowed.

In an instant, Edward was on the porch steps beside me.

"Go back inside the house," he said urgently.

"What's going-,"

" _Now_."

I hadn't seen his eyes this wild since the James incident. I was beginning to panic again. I had never seen any vampires this young before, and the fact that they still talked and sounded exactly their age was all the more stomach-turning. They were frightening not so much because of what they were, but because of the implication. Someone had willfully turned two children into this.

And the almost submissive behavior of the other Cullens- the fact that no one was fighting or resisting at the moment, despite their obvious fury- said a lot. I could only think of one reason why two vampire twelve year olds might be here.

The Volturi.

I darted back into the house, and the rest followed. We stood in the living room, while the twins surveyed the destruction as if it were vaguely amusing, before their shared gaze settled on me once again.

"Introductions," the girl twin said brightly. "Are in order. I am Jane. This is Alec," she indicated the boy, who nodded solemnly. It would have been almost funny had the circumstances not been what they were.

"We aren't here to fight," Jane said almost gently, as if explaining something to misbehaving children. "But we had no choice but to respond when one of you was so rude." She glanced dismissively in Rosalie, who was finally back on her feet's, direction.

Emmett growled again.

"We come as messengers," the twins said now in unison, as if reading from a script.

I wondered idly if they'd practiced this on the way here.

"One of our laws has been broken," Jane said softly, now back to looking directly at me. I looked back at her steadily, determined not to be intimidated by a little girl, even if she was clearly not a little girl at the same time.

"It is this coven's responsibility to settle the matter," Alec added. His gaze was less intense than his sister's, but the eerie lack of any emotion in his speech was the same.

"You know the rules," Jane smiled.

The two exchanged a look. In the silence of the room you could have heard a pin drop. They filed out towards the front door, but before they passed me Jane tugged gently on my sleeve, looking up at me, wide-eyed. I could feel Ed tense up beside me.

"Have a very happy birthday, Isabella," she said in a sickeningly sugared voice, and the two were gone.

Immediately after Emmett exploded with a long stream of curses that would have made hardened mercenaries blush.

"Those fucking gremlins," he spat. "I should have grabbed her by the-,"

"That's why I didn't see them coming," Alice was saying; "It was Alec fogging up my-,"

"Enough!"

I had never, ever heard Carlisle snap like that before. Instantly there was silence again.

"One thing is clear," he said forcefully. "The Volturi have been notified of a human's knowledge of our kind. I'm sure we can all guess who might have gone to them-,"

"Victoria," Jasper muttered.

"But at this point it doesn't matter. They will be back soon enough expecting to find Bella either dead or turned."

I froze; I could have guessed as much, but hearing it spoken aloud was somehow far worse.

"No," Edward said furiously. "No, that's not-,"

"We should have known this would happen," Rosalie interrupted furiously; I was beginning to get a sense of déjà vu. "One way or another-,"

"Bella's not the only human to have ever mingled with vampires," Alice retorted. "The Volturi have done it themselves plenty of times, filthy hypocrites-,"

"Quiet," Esme said warningly. "Let your father speak."

Carlisle was looking at me, not angrily but almost sadly.

"There's only one obvious solution I can see that will prevent any further consequences."

I knew it was coming before he even said it.

"We heave to leave Forks, as soon as possible."

I closed my eyes momentarily, and I could have sworn I could hear my world rearranging itself once again around me. Nothing was going to be the same when I opened them.

 _Of our elaborate plans, the end; of everything that stands, the end..._

 _\- The Doors, 'The End'_


	4. Chapter 4

_If any of you are pissed with me after this chapter, just keep in mind the Bella agrees that this is Total Bullshit. So at least you're not alone. Thank you to SarcasticBimbo, corkykellems, jansails, snowflakelover, Camilla10, Poetic-Introvert, Vagabonda, csp4, Capricorn75, and keeper of logolepsy for your reviews, AnneValkyria, MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, Poetic-Introvert, keeper of logolepsy, pixiekat7, and songster for your follows, and Poetic-Introvert, SanguineTaurean, corkykellems, and csp4 for your faves._

CHAPTER FOUR

SEVERAL HOURS LATER, I sat on the front porch beside Edward. He was sitting on the railing, leaning his head against one of the posts, while I slumped beside him, staring at the shattered glass that had yet to be picked up. I could feel his breath coming in and out, harshly, as if he'd just run a triathlon, and wondered if he was having a panic attack, but his face was completely blank. I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to calm his breathing, wishing he'd quit being so tense. We'd both been rigid for far too long.

"This is complete bullshit," I said, not for the first time. "You can't just leave-,"

When Carlisle had announced that they had to leave Forks as soon as possible, I had at first assumed he meant me as well. Obviously, that wasn't a very good outcome either; I couldn't just disappear with the Cullens without it ending in an FBI investigation. But that didn't mean I thought them just up and leaving, with me left behind, as a good idea either.

First and foremost, it was because of the loss of Ed. A close second was the very real fear of the Volturi coming back here and _quietly_ _murdering me_.

"The Volturi don't run on human time," he quietly retorted, not for the first time, either. "They've been around since before biblical times- they have a long memory, but when you have aged in thousands of years, things start to blur together. The only reason they even caught wind of… of us was because of Victoria. She deliberately reported us to them in the hopes they'd pay a quick visit and do a few executions, then move on."

I tried very hard not to flinch at the mention of 'executions'.

"So James stalking Alice, almost getting me, her, and Jasper killed wasn't against their stupid laws, but me knowing what you are is?" I demanded in a hushed tone; not wanting this to escalate into raised voices. Now certainly wasn't the time.

" _Technically_ , no. James was well within his rights to 'hunt' however he saw fit, although he toed the line. Victoria essentially forced them into action; if they'd sat in Italy and done nothing it would have made them look weak, and they've been rapidly losing respect since the twentieth century. They handled the southern coven wars poorly, and their judgment is starting to be questioned." He massaged his head gently. "But now is not the time to openly disregard them; it would make them want to make an example out of us."

"I don't understand why everyone listens to them, if they're just one coven," I said shortly. "You're all powerful-,"

"There's over thirty of them, including their guard, and they are thirty of the oldest, most powerful vampires in the world- Carlisle is a youth compared to Aro, Caius, and Marcus. The rest of us are infants. Maybe a combined effort could unseat them, but as of right now, no one's going to challenge them just yet. But they're not about to turn up here, say, next month, looking for you-,"

"You don't know that," I snapped. "And if they're not, why do you need to leave to begin with?"

"Because a coven of seven moving house will attract attention," he snapped back. "Good attention. It will get back to the Volturi, and for the time being, they'll assume the matter is settled. They don't like the idea of our kind living amongst humans. If we take refuge with the Denalis for a while it will look good to them."

The Denalis, I knew, were the only other coven in North America that the Cullens knew of like them, residing up in Denali, Alaska, somewhere near the national park, safely away from most humans. Combined with the Cullens, they formed the Olympic coven. Ed had phrased it as them being akin to family- cousins further north.

I stared at him for a few moments, trying to think of another argument to put forth. Just a few hours ago we'd been fighting, and we still were, but for an entirely different reason. The thought of all of it- everything we'd had since last spring- suddenly being ripped away terrified me.

"We can still communicate," he said, after a moment, wrapping an arm around me. "I might not have email, and phones might be iffy, but- I can write you letters."

Write me _letters_? I was a secret romantic, but now I felt as though every period piece movie I'd ever seen featuring love letters was extremely overrated. I couldn't- we couldn't just go from seeing one another every day to _letters_.

"This might just be temporary," Ed was saying, desperately. "We don't know. In a year or two the Volturi could have far bigger problems, and then we can-,"

"In a year or two?!" I pulled away from him. "I'll be in college, I'll be-." My eyes were starting to water, to my aggravation. I hadn't cried in front of him in ages, and I had planned for that to be a one-time thing. I could feel his hand in my hair, hesitantly patting, before I slipped away from him, not wanting him to see my tears.

"This is bullshit," I repeated, pacing down the length of the porch.

Edward followed. "Maybe it won't be so bad-,"

"Won't be so bad?! Name one good thing that could possibly come out of this," I retorted, wiping at my eyes in annoyance. Why wasn't he- why wasn't he as upset as I was? I knew he had a tendency to let his emotions pent up, but this was- if not so much a physical disaster, it was an emotional one. Things had been going so _well_. But it was as if someone had suddenly stripped off the glossy wallpaper to reveal the rotting wood underneath. It'd been easy to pretend, before, that we could be just like everyone else. But normal couples didn't have messengers from the vampire governing body showing up on their doorstep.

He was silent, but I knew him well enough by well to sense what he was thinking. "Don't you dare," I said furiously. "Don't you dare think this might be good for me-,"

"I haven't said a word," he shot back. "But you need to accept that objectively speaking, you shouldn't be around us. This is the second time you've been put in danger-,"

"If you hadn't been there to stop that car-,"

"This isn't about that!" he almost yelled. "Bella, listen to me, for once-,"

"I'll listen to you when you accept that this is what I want! Regardless of what you think I should want!" I had whirled around to face him by now.

He was breathing heavily, hands shaking at his sides. "That doesn't mean that it's what's best for you-,"

"You don't know what's best for me," I spat back in outrage. "You don't get to decide what's best for me."

We both looked at each other for a moment, too angry to even speak, before I stalked down the porch steps. "I should get home. My dad will be wondering where the hell I am."

I half-expected him to call after me, but he simply stood there. As I got a few yards away something stopped me, and I turned slightly to look back at him, but all I saw was his back, slipping inside the house. I stood there for a moment, wavering, wondering if I should go after him, but then my stubbornness set in and I turned back towards Toy Truck.

I drove home quickly, probably edging towards the speed limit on Forks' quiet roads; the sun had crept out just in time to set. I wanted to cry again as I turned onto my street, but forced myself to keep it together. I was not going to go into hysterics over something like this; I'd been through worse. They'd realize what a mistake this was soon enough, and everything would be fine.

I continued on this delusional train of thought as I parked and tried to compose myself before entering the house, looking at my reflection in one of Toy Truck's side mirrors. Dad was watching TV when I came in, as usual. I gave him a small wave as I headed for the stairs.

"How was the party?" he asked drowsily.

"Fine," I shrugged; I was too used to lying to his face by now.

"No gifts to bring home?"

"They're in the truck, I'll get them out tomorrow," I said hastily, and darted upstairs. I showered, changed into pajamas, and ate leftover Chinese in the kitchen, staring out into the darkening backyard, at the impenetrable tree line. While I washed my plate in the sink I thought I heard something at the back door; paranoid, justifiably or not, I snatched a steak knife from the rack as I turned around.

There was no one there, of course, but there was something on the ground just in beyond the door. A small, vaguely recognizable box. Knife still in hand, I cautiously unlatched the door, scooped up the box, and shut the door firmly once more. It was the one I'd nearly gotten to open at the party. In the dim kitchen lighting I finally pried the top of, and slipped what was inside out. A CD, and a small note.

 _Edward_ it simply read.

I was torn between chucking the CD into the trash and breaking down once more. Instead I put the knife away and went upstairs, fidgeting with my CD player for a few moments. I was planning on asking for an ipod for Christmas, I remembered distantly, before I finally got the CD settled and pressed the play button, adjusting my earbuds.

The first song was not anything I recognized; it was a piano piece, and it sounded somewhat roughly recorded, and then I realized who must be playing it. I laid there, on my bed, staring at the ceiling while I listened to Edward play for me. For the first time since the past spring, it took a very long time for me to get to sleep.

 _There's a hole in my chest, and I don't think it's leaving room for anyone..._

 _\- PVRIS, 'Waking Up'_


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry for the late update; expect the next chapter next Friday. Thank you to Vagabonda, keeper of logolepsy, SarcasticBimbo, Capricorn75, snowflakelover, Camilla10, and csp4 for your reviews, AngeliqueMasen, CheckAlexa, Chiromom, ForeverTwilite, angie671, kiwimum, and nzjojo for your follows, and angie671, csp4, ffictionreader01, lielielie, and teresabennett98 for your faves._

CHAPTER FIVE

SEPTEMBER SLIPPED AWAY from me. Everything seemed to happen in fast-forward; the Cullens were gone by that weekend, without even the sight of moving vans to signify their departure. I doubted they were taking much with them. The farmhouse in the woods was shuttered up, like a sleeping giant. There was no formal goodbye, but I knew that Edward and Alice, at least, would not leave without saying something. Alice's goodbye came in the form of a cardboard box left on our front porch, full of neatly folded and ironed clothing. There was a note tucked inside, written in spidery cursive.

 _Bella,_

 _You probably hate me, but I thought you might like these. (They've always been too big for me, and too small for Rose.) I know we'll meet again. Trust me!_

 _Fondly,_

 _Alice_ _xoxo_

At the time, I not-so-fondly crumpled up the note, but I kept it, and the clothes, sitting in the back of my cramped closet.

Edward's goodbye came the night before they left, with a vaguely familiar rapping at my window. I'd been awake, of course, and silently opened it, letting him clamber up and into the room. Neither of us said much; we were both concerned that a lengthy conversation would lead to another fight.

Instead I just kissed him, long and hard, and a little bit desperately, and he kissed me back, his hands cold on my back until I backed up onto my bed.

"We really shouldn't do this," he muttered, while I pulled at his sweatshirt, and his hands found their way down to my hips.

The clatter of the sweatshirt zipper thwacking against the hardwood floor made us both pause momentarily.

"Bella." Even in the dark I could see the look on his face.

"If you're leaving me," I whispered fiercely, "If you're leaving me like this at least-,"

"I don't want it to be like this for us," he murmured. "Not when we're unhappy."

"It would make me happy-,"

"Not forever. Only for tonight."

"I'll take tonight." I kissed him again, my hand on the back of his neck, and he did kiss me back, but too sweetly, more chastely than I'd wanted him to, and then he jerked away.

I sat up on my elbows, hurt, but not surprised, and then he caught me off guard by kissing me, not so sweetly this time, in a way that made my hands curl into fists in his shirt. Ed pulled me down beside him on the bed, and I stared at the shadows on his face, the way his eyes looked hooded in the dark, his rusty hair ashen.

"I'll miss you," I whispered hoarsely.

"I'll come back," he promised, one hand stroking my hair.

"I can't wait forever," I warned him.

"I know," he sighed, and then I giggled helplessly when one of his fingers brushed against my neck.

He smiled faintly, and I watched him doze off to sleep. For a few precious minutes I watched him, lying next to me in the dark, trying to imprint the sound of his breathing in my mind, before sleep took me as well.

When I woke up he was gone.

Over the course of the remainder of the month, I went through the usual stages of grief. Having already passed denial, from the eighteenth to the twenty fourth I was angrier than I ever remembered being in a long, long time. I couldn't sleep. I snapped at everyone, and I put off homework- what was the point? My coworkers at the Newton's store cowered.

From the twenty fifth to the first I bargained; if I tried to put it behind me, if I tried to remain calm, they would come back. Everything would go back to the way it had been. I dreamed of the Cullens and the Volturi incessantly, woke up in tears twice.

From the second to the eighth I gave up, completely. I felt like a walking zombie. I went through the motions. This wasn't true depression; just a brief jump in the deep end, if that, but it felt as though I were wading through thick mud.

But by the second week in October, I felt semi-close to normal again. I had two letters from Edward stored in my desk drawer, and while out taking pictures and trying to get my mind off my grief the week before, I'd saw someone watching me from the woods. The size of them was unmistakable; it'd been Emmett, before he'd winked and vanished into the trees. The Cullens might have left, but I wasn't completely alone.

Dad seemed relieved that I was 'moving on'; he'd seemed to take the Cullens leaving as a personal offense, and so were my friends. Jess had had no idea how to handle for me for the past month, and I couldn't really blame her. Mike had kept his mouth shut and his head down, except during one instance.

"God, act anymore depressed and we'll think you're about to start cutting," Lauren had sarcastically addressed me one lunch. "You really need to move on. _He_ probably has."

"Lauren, either shut up or move somewhere else," he snapped in a very un-Mike like manner.

Lauren rolled her eyes and stalked off to dump her tray.

But in general, by pretending everything was Fine and Normal, I was managing to halfway convince myself that it was. It might not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but it was what it was. I wasn't happy, but I could get by. Life in Forks went on. The only thing of note happening was a Halloween bonfire party being thrown out at La Push, and an increased number of bear sightings, which was unusual for the fall.

Unfortunately, without anyone to sneak off to spend my Friday evenings with, I found myself at home one drizzling afternoon, and when Dad came home, I had no excuse as to why I couldn't come along to see Billy and Jacob Black with him. It wasn't so much that I didn't want to see Jake, who I'd last seen that summer at a barbeque, but I didn't want to have to see the probably smug expression on his father's face, now that threat of the Cullens had been removed.

But I couldn't raise a fuss about not wanting to go out without potentially worrying Dad, so I reluctantly joined him in the cruiser as we drove through the rain and out of Forks, towards the reservation on the shoreline. Our drive was mostly silent, but as we turned into La Push, Dad glanced over at me.

"I'm glad you've been feeling better, Bells."

"Yeah," I agreed simply, staring out the window into the darkening evening.

"I know that when… when your mom and you left, I was in a bad place for a while. It took me a long time to come to terms with it."

Dad never, ever spoke about the divorce. I couldn't even look at him. Luckily, he didn't really say anything else, and then we were turning onto the Blacks' gravel driveway. By now the rain had strengthened into an intense downpour, and we had to make a dash for the small house.

Jake was waiting at the door, and quickly let us both in. The growth spurt he'd been in the midst of when I'd last seen him had continued. He'd always been taller than me, but now he was approaching six feet, nearly as tall as Dad, and towering over his wheelchair bound father. Some of the baby fat had vanished from his face, and his hair was even longer, although still pulled back in a ponytail.

He looked excited to see me there, and I felt a little guilty for rarely coming along whenever Dad went to visit his friend. It couldn't be fun for Jacob, having to sit there and listen to the two of them go back and forth with no one to commiserate with. Besides, I liked Jake. He was a good kid.

"Hi Charlie, hi Bella," he greeted us enthusiastically; his voice was slightly deeper than I remembered, but clearly still in the midst of cracking.

Billy Black was seated in the living room, the small TV muted, and turned to greet us as well; I braced myself, but his "Hello, Bella," didn't hold any particular triumph or suspicion it, although he looked thrilled. I tried to cut the man some slack. He meant well.

The two men immediately fell into banter, leaving Jacob and I to stand there somewhat awkwardly, before he looked over at me almost hopefully. "Um… I just got something really cool I could show you, but it's in the garage."

"I'm soaked anyways," I shrugged; the rain had ceased to actively bother me a long time ago, and I was eager to get out of the cramped, dark house.

The two of us made a run for it, me struggling to keep up with his long legs, and ducked into the garage, which was really just an old shed, modified so that it had no walls and enough space to keep parts dry under the metal roof. An almost finished shell of a car was mounted up before us.

"Is that a Volkswagen?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Jake said proudly. "I want to have her done by Christmas- I'll have my license by January when I turn sixteen."

I almost mentioned that I had turned seventeen the month prior, but the words lodged in my throat and I was silent. So was he, until he spoke up bashfully.

"I um- I heard about what happened. With your boyfriend leaving." He carefully avoided mentioning the Cullens as a whole, as if saying there mere name on the reservation was bad luck. "I'm sorry, Bella. That sucks."

I exhaled, listening to the rain on the metal roof. "Yeah. It does. But I'm okay."

He smiled shyly, revealing dimples that made him look very young once more.

"Oh! That's not what I really wanted to show you- look at this," he gestured excitedly at something else, beyond the car, and I found myself staring at two broken down dirt bikes. "They were left out on someone's lawn for free, but I think I can fix them." He sounded so enthused that it was hard not to at least smile.

"That's really cool, Jake." I crouched down to look at them. "Are they for you and a friend?"

"Well-," he hesitated. "My friends Embry and Quil already have their own, but when I heard you were coming over, I was thinking- would you want one?"

I looked up at him in shock. It'd taken me two years to get the hang of a regular bike, never mind a bike designed to go off smooth, paved roads, which I'd still managed to regularly wipe out on. I was about to politely decline, citing my clumsiness, but then I thought about it. Jacob looked so sheepish and eager, and it wasn't as if they were in working condition right now. Maybe this was a solution. Something to get my mind off of everything.

"Sure," I found myself saying. "Yeah, I'd like that- I could help you fix them up, you know, for fun. I don't have that much else going on."

"Really?" His smile widened, if that was even possible. "That'd be awesome."

I slowly smiled back.

 _You promised me you'll never leave; promises you never kept..._

 _\- Dawn Richard, 'Broken Promises'_


	6. Chapter 6

_Last late update, I promise. Thank you to jansails, SarcasticBimbo, Vagabonda, Capricorn75, corkykellems, and csp4 for your reviews, Laveycee, Shamatt0403, cherryamrita, jansails, la-geologia, meowometer, and omfgsmittenkitten for your follows, and csp4, jansails, and meowometer for your faves._

CHAPTER SIX

THE PLAN WAS TO KEEP THE BIKES in Jake's makeshift garage; Billy was never in there, due to his wheelchair, so we were safe in that regard. I supposed there was the off chance my dad might see them while he was over one day, but he didn't know one was for me, now did he? Dad had threatened me with grounding until I was eighteen if I ever so much as stood near a motorcycle, and while a dirt bike wasn't as dangerous, I doubted he'd be happy to hear about his daughter riding one.

Even if he did seem very happy to hear I'd enjoyed hanging out with Jacob.

"That's great, Bells," he said on the way home that night, as we pulled into the driveway. The rain had died down to a light drizzle. "I'm glad you two are becoming friends. He's a great kid." This must have been a dream come true for him; his best friend's son and his daughter were finally getting along.

And I did feel a bit hopeful. Without Edward- without the Cullens, my life seemed so… empty. I was still angry, and upset, and I wanted to see him again, but I needed to face reality. They might never come back. And I couldn't devote my life to waiting for that day, as much as I'd cared- still did care, I reminded myself sharply- about him. About them.

The next morning the rain came down so hard it was practically a monsoon outside. To my horror, I barely had any homework, I didn't have work, and with this weather going out to take pictures wasn't really an option. I debated calling Jess or Angela; we'd never seen that movie my birthday week, and maybe we could get together…

I thought better of it. I'd been distant from my friends for a while now, and I was just starting to let myself get pulled back into the group. If I called them now it'd just look like I wanted to hang out with them because I was bored. I didn't think anyone was really angry with me, but I was hoping we'd be close again by the time the party swung around. I wasn't about to go alone.

Instead I took a long, hot shower, and trooped down to the kitchen with my hair still damp. Today was going to be a good day, I told myself sternly. I wasn't going to just sit here and watch life pass me by. I made myself oatmeal and dumped a bit more cinnamon flavoring in it than was really necessary, and was stubbornly shoveling it into my mouth when Dad came downstairs.

"Any plans?" he asked; he'd been asking this every weekend for a while now, and I usually made a noncommittal answer and raced to finish my food before he could suggest something for me to do.

Today I glanced up at him, swallowed, and said, "Yeah, I was thinking of going to see Jake again."

He looked surprised. "Well, that's… that's good, Bella. Good. He could probably use some company; Harry and Billy were coming over here to watch the game today anyways."

At around ten I left the house, pretending to listen to my dad's warnings about driving in this weather. I did have to drive slowly, due to the God-awful visibility and the slick roads, but I made it to La Push. Toy Truck was completely splattered with mud, I noted as I slid out, and I was glad I'd worn my hiking boots, since in regular sneakers I'd have been up to my ankles in it. Jake was waiting for me on the front porch, and I waved as he jogged over.

I grinned as he approached, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt in vain. The expression felt odd on my face. "I thought we could try working on the bikes."

"Yeah? We'll need like…. a shit-ton of parts, I'm just warning you now," he laughed. "I've got some money saved up from mowing lawns all summer. And I can usually get a discount since I know like half of the auto shop guys-,"

"I can pitch in," I blurted out. "I have some left over; I've been working at Newton's since this summer…"

"It was my idea," he flushed a bit. "I don't wanna-,"

"Seriously, it's fine," I said quickly. "If we're both doing this we should both contribute. Besides, what else am I going to waste my college fund on?"

That got a snicker out of him, and we both scrambled back into TT, while he gave me directions on how to get to the dump from here.

"Nice stereo," he whistled lowly when he caught sight of it, and I forced myself to nod. I'd only been able to start using it this past week without feeling like throwing up.

But it was easy to forget around Jake. He was chatty- not on a Jess or Mike level, but amiable, someone who listened just as much as he ran his mouth. He seemed older when he really got going, in the middle of a conversation, and he seemed excited about almost everything. Passionate, I guess was the word for it. It was nice.

We didn't spend long at the dump, given the awful weather, but we ended up with several pieces of metal in the back of the truck, and then we drove down south to Hoquiam, a two hour drive I usually would have blanched at the thought of. Today it didn't bother me much. I even turned on the radio without thinking twice about it, and nearly skidded off the road from laughing as Jacob energetically sang along to 'Gold Digger'.

At Checker Auto Parts we wandered around, and I continuously called him over to see if I'd found what he was looking for; I never had. To Jake's credit, he never got any more exasperated or annoyed than a good-natured eye roll, and a half hour later we had everything we needed 'for now'. By the time we were back in La Push it was around two in the afternoon, and we were both starving; I got us sandwiches from the deli after he'd unloaded the parts, and we sat on the concrete floor and ate while admiring our haul. Then we got to work; I had no idea what I was doing, of course, so a good hour was spent with him patiently trying to get me to remember what everything was and what we needed it for.

By the time it started to get dim in the garage the rain had stopped as evening began to creep up on us, and we hurriedly put everything away when we heard a car or two come roaring up the driveway. Apparently the Blacks were having company for dinner, and naturally, Dad was among them.

"You like spaghetti, right honey?" he asked jokingly, clapping me on the shoulder- he was in a very good mood, probably because the team he'd been rooting for had won the game, and possibly, I realized, because I'd inadvertently been out of the house all day, as opposed to moping around making him feel like a terrible parent.

"As long as you're not cooking it," I retorted playfully, and he laughed in shock before shaking his head.

The Clearwaters were over as well; Harry, who was friends with Billy and Dad, and his wife Sue, and their two children, Leah and Seth. Leah was a year older than me, eighteen and going to a local college; I'd met her once or twice before, and while she'd always been polite, she was at least as standoffish as me, if not more. Her eyes were glued on her phone as she furiously texted for most of the night. Seth was only fourteen, but looked more like twelve, and clearly saw Jacob as akin to the older brother he'd never had but desperately wanted. I barely got a word in, he talked so fast and so often.

Still, I managed to have a good time, even if I was sitting in a rickety folding chair on the back porch with the rest of the 'kids', as there wasn't nearly enough room inside the house for everyone to eat. It was a crisply cold autumn night, I could listen to the rain drops dripping off the increasingly bare tree branches, and for the first time in a while I felt really normal.

Eventually, it got too dark and too cold, and Dad and I drove home in my truck. He insisted on driving, given how 'late' it was, even if it was only a little past nine, and I fell asleep, only waking up when we pulled into our own driveway.

"You have fun today?" he asked as we walked into the house.

"Yeah," I said honestly. "Yeah, I did."

I went upstairs, and looked at an email full of pictures from Mom; since this was going to be Alex's first Halloween, she wanted to be sure she had the 'right costume'. The whole thing seemed a bit ridiculous, but I had to admit he was shaping up to be pretty cute, even if he was only two months old. His eyes were an alarmingly bright blue, unlike my own dull brown; he'd gotten them from Phil. One of the costumes was a miniature Dracula outfit, complete with a shirt saying 'I vant to suck your blood'. I lapsed into hysterical giggles; what else could I do? I emailed her back saying I liked the skeleton one best, and went to bed.

On Sunday evening, the next day, I gave in and called Angela.

"Bella?" she sounded taken aback to hear from me, but not particularly betrayed. I took that as a good sign.

"Hey Angie," I said sheepishly. "Sorry I haven't called in forever- how've you been?"

"Alright," she said cautiously. "Ben and I were going to drive up past the hot springs and have a picnic today, but we ended up coming back early."

Something about her tone seemed a little off.

"Did the weather get too bad? I've been inside all day, I hadn't really noticed."

"No," she replied slowly. "We just… we saw something on the trail, and it freaked us out a bit, so we thought we should get back to the car."

My brow furrowed as I sat down on my bed, holding my cell phone up against my ear with one shoulder while I tried to get one of my sweaters to stay on a hanger. "Like what? A bear? I know everyone's been talking about that-,"

"I don't think it was a bear," I could almost hear her shaking her head over the phone. "It was- it moved pretty fast, but it was big, and black. I've never seen anything go that fast through the woods- it kind of makes me nervous, for the bonfire party."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I said, eager to latch onto the topic of that. I had no idea what she could have possibly seen, but it had probably just been a bear- everyone said they looked slow but moved faster than you could ever imagine. "Besides, we'll all stick together, right? Safety in numbers."

"Yeah, but not when we play man hunt."

I frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Sorry," Angela said quickly. "I forget you only moved here last winter, sometimes. Every year the seniors have a giant game of man hunt in the woods during the party- well, it's supposed to be only seniors, but the younger grades always end up getting involved too."

" _What_." I said flatly. I'd thought we'd be roasting smores, not running around in the woods. At night. With only flashlights to see more than a foot or two ahead of us.

"I think you're allowed to hide with a partner, though," she said thoughtfully. "I don't know. Maybe Ben and I will just leave early or something, but… it's a tradition, you know? Weird small towns are like that."

 _We could be friends; just put your head on my shoulders._

 _\- Francis and the Lights, 'Friends'_


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you to jansails, Capricorn75, MusetteBlanchard, snowflakelover, SarcasticBimbo, and csp4 for your reviews, MusetteBlanchard and ReneeGoetz for your follows, and MusetteBlanchard, That Other Coin, csp4, and dianeblecher81 for your faves._

CHAPTER SEVEN

THE MORNING OF THE BONFIRE PARTY dawned cold and rainy. Everyone was furiously texting as the weather report updated; if we got rained out tonight, it was going to be a lost cause. Sure, we could reschedule for Sunday night, but we'd all have school the next morning, and if half the student body didn't come in on Monday morning there was going to be trouble. Since Halloween was in fact Monday, the party had been planned for Saturday the 29th.

But by around noon the rain seemed to have stopped, and the temperature had climbed to a promising 50 degrees. The worried texts came to a halt; we were still on. But I still had my dad to contend with. As this was my first official high school party in Forks, I hadn't been sure if I was going to have to sneak out, lie, or what. But Dad seemed cautiously in favor of me attending and 'being normal'. That alone made me paranoid, as if there was any way for him to know just how not normal the past six months had been for me.

But he was also laying down the law.

"What time is this thing starting?" he demanded as I helped him clean up after lunch.

"Seven," I said honestly.

"I want you home by eleven. I'm sending out two patrol cars to clear that place out at midnight. La Push doesn't want a bunch of teenage morons running around screaming their heads off at one in the morning."

"I'll be home by then," I promised him.

"Are you driving yourself or getting a ride?" he narrowed his eyes at me. "I know there's going to be booze-,"

"I'm not going to drink, Dad-."

"Bella, I can smell your bullshit from a mile away, and even if you're being completely honest, I still don't want you in the backseat of some car that's going to end up in a ditch."

"I'm driving myself," I sighed. "If I do drink I'll get a ride with Angela and Ben, and just pick up my truck in the morning."

"By eleven," he reminded me, and left it at that.

I was a little shocked he was okay with it, but I guess he thought it was better I go then not go. Maybe it was a show of trust in me, but I still didn't feel very trusted. Still, despite the possibility of manhunt on the horizon, I was determined to get through this. In a way Dad was sort of right. I did need to be normal, to do normal teenage things.

Upstairs in my room, I read through Edward's latest letter to me one more time. I still hadn't replied to it, I reminded myself guiltily. But what was there to say? 'Going to a party, thinking of you?' His own letters were vague enough, in typical Ed-fashion. References to the constant cold, to hunting, to the Denalis. It conjured up stark images in my mind.

I thought about him most when I was bordering on the edge of sleep, wondering if he was lying awake in the dark listening to the wind howl, thinking of me. Why didn't he come back, just to check up on me? I'd seen Emmett twice now, and a glimpse of Alice once, in the rearview mirror of the truck. Couldn't he slip back here, if only for a night?

My consternation made me put the letter back in the drawer, firmly closing it. He could wait. He was making me wait long enough.

One of the advantages to a party being held at night, outside, in October, in Washington, was that I didn't have to worry about what to wear or makeup. I was more concerned with not getting hypothermia. It was supposed to drop down to 40 tonight. Jess texted asking if I wanted to come over to Mike's house for pizza before we all left for the party, so at around six I left, pulling on a fleece jacket over my heavy sweater, and a hat over my head. I consoled myself with the fact that while there was certainly a breeze, scattering fallen leaves across the driveway, at least it wasn't so windy that it made it even colder.

I found myself comfortable enough to listen to the stereo, although I rolled my eyes at the 'Halloween Weekend' event that seemed to be going on, even if it was hard to resist 'Thriller' while driving through a darkened neighborhood. It only took around five minutes to reach the Newton home, and I spotted several familiar cars in the driveway. As I walked up to the front door, I realized it was slightly ajar, as if someone had just come through it and forgotten to close it behind them, and I slowly pushed it open.

"BOO!"

I shrieked and almost fell off the front stoop, as Jess giggled hysterically before me.

"Your face," she gasped out. "Oh my god, Bella, I wish I'd gotten that on video."

"Good thing you didn't," I seethed, once I was sure I wasn't about to break my neck. "I don't think America's Funniest Videos takes submissions with murder in them."

Still giggling, she held the door open all the way for me as I stepped into the house. Mike was busy arranging two pizza boxes on a coffee table far too small for them, as everyone else crowded around impatiently.

"Get your hand the hell out of there, Tyler," he said in exasperation, swatting at him.

I suppressed a sigh. If Tyler was here that meant.

"Hi Bella," Lauren said in a bored-sounding voice from her position lounging on the couch.

"Hi," I muttered, as I took off my jacket, laying it over the back of a free arm chair, and sitting down.

Eric was there as well, I realized. I hadn't really seen much of him at all this school year, but at least he seemed to have gotten over his crush. Last I'd heard, he was on and off dating a junior.

Jess chucked a paper plate my way, Frisbee style, and it landed in my lap.

"I can't believe you're actually going," she said excitedly. "I thought for sure you'd sit this one out."

"I need to get out more," I shrugged, standing up to snatch the last slice of pizza before Tyler could grab a third.

"Right," Lauren scoffed, in between small bites.

Mike was quick to change the subject, presumably before a fight could break out. "You guys know what teams you're on yet? For manhunt?"

Eric rolled his eyes. "No one fucking knows. I don't even know who's supposed to be organizing that shit this year."

"I thought it was Lee who was supposed to be in charge," Angela spoke up quietly.

" _Lee_ 's in charge?" Tyler snorted. "Christ."

"What's wrong with Lee?" I asked belatedly.

"Nothing, he's just high out of his mind half the time," Eric snickered.

Great. A game of manhunt organized by a stoner. What could possibly go wrong? I tried to eat slowly, not in any rush to get to the party exactly at seven, but soon enough everyone was leaving, and I was back in my truck.

Mike and Jess were driving down together, as were Angela and Ben, and Tyler and Lauren. Eric seemed to be driving himself, and I was just grateful I didn't have to carpool with anyone. It was alarmingly dark outside already as we drove towards La Push. It reminded me of the last time I'd been in a car, speeding through the night, but the other headlights reassured me.

The drive seemed to go too fast, too smoothly. I could hear the muted rumble of the party as I parked; over the crackle of the bonfire someone was blasting music. The senior class wasn't that big to begin with; what would have been 500 kids at my old school was now less than fifty, with some of the lower grades mixed. There were actually two bonfires, one a little further down the shoreline, and a handful of smaller fires scattered around. I passed someone vomiting in a scraggly bush. and reminded myself that this was why I didn't drink.

It was honestly kind of pretty, seeing the flames dance in the night air, especially when some of them were such a vivid blue. From the driftwood, I remembered. Mike and Jess seemed to have vanished, and I suspected they were making up for lost time in his car at the moment. Luckily, Angela and Ben were more easily located, but I didn't want to third wheel them all night. Someone forced a cup into my hand, and I sat down on an unoccupied log, swishing the beer around in it, and watching the waves creep up, then recede, like arms reaching out for us from the ocean.

If Edward had been here, we could have walked down the beach, talking. Then again, he probably wouldn't have come anyways. Reservation rules. Speaking of that, I spotted a few vaguely familiar faces from the reservation, and just as I was trying to determine if one of the girls was Leah, someone plopped down beside me on the log, nudging my shoulder with their own.

I glanced over and found myself staring at Jacob, who was grinning wildly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise, although it should have been obvious- he was only a year younger, after all, and seeing as he lived here…

"Experiencing my first high school party," he said smugly. "What about you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Same, actually." Dumping the beer out onto the sand, I glanced around with a small sigh. "At least there's no dancing."

"I could always start a conga line," Jake suggested jokingly, and I pretended to throw the empty cup at him.

"Where are the rest of your _junior_ friends?" I asked, putting the emphasis on 'junior' with a small smirk.

His grin faded a bit. "Embry and Quil didn't want to come. I don't know why," he scuffed at the ground with one sneaker. "They've been hanging out with Sam Uley a lot. It's freaking me out a little."

I raised an eyebrow. "Sam Uley is freaking you out? I thought he was the Golden Boy- no offense." Sam was in his early twenties, and I'd never heard anything but good things about him- he always seemed to have a bunch of younger boys surrounding him, like he was leading a boy scout troop or something.

"Yeah," Jake scoffed. "Golden Boy running his Golden Cult. Neither of them will even tell me what's going on."

"That's… weird," I said hesitantly. He could have just been exaggerating; maybe he'd had a falling out with them, and was blaming it on Sam because it was convenient, but Jacob didn't seem the type to lie.

"But they're gonna regret missing this party," he said more lightly, and took a chug from the cup I'd just realized he was holding.

"I'm going to have to drive you home, aren't I?" I groaned.

"It's a party," Jake pointed out. "Things are supposed to get a little crazy."

Right. Because the last party I'd been to had been the very definition of crazy.

 _Watching me is like watching the fire; take your eyes from you, hope it isn't repetition.._

 _\- Purity Ring, 'Repetition'_


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the wait- this time of year is never kind to my updating. Thank you to SarcasticBimbo, Vagabonda, jansails, Capricorn75, 2old4fanfic, Shamatt0403, snowflakelover, csp4, Coffeefilterart, and muffinmom for your reviews, 2old4fanfic, Coffeefilterart, aficionadoNYC, jennings23, and muffinmom for your follows, and aficionadoNYC, csp4, and wizards30 for your faves._

CHAPTER EIGHT

FOR MY FIRST EVER HIGH SCHOOL PARTY, it was almost underwhelming. This could partly be blamed on the relative size; a house party back in Phoenix, especially if it was hosted by a kid from a wealthier family with plenty of space, could easily have 200 people in attendance. Plenty of people from the reservation high school seemed to be around, in addition to the students from Forks, but all in all there probably weren't more than sixty to seventy people scattered up and down the beach. The music was loud, sure, but the waves crashing against the shore were even louder, and there wasn't really much dancing going on, aside from a few drunk girls stumbling around in the sand, laughing hysterically. I thought I recognized Amanda and Jennifer.

I was a bit uneasy, just wandering around in the dark like this, and did my best to stay within the light of one bonfire or another, walking around with a somewhat buzzed Jake. He was still complaining about Sam; not that I could really blame him. He obviously felt abandoned. Well, I could relate to that. I stayed close to him, both to keep an eye on him and because of my discomfort, despite the fairly tame surroundings. Part of me regretted coming; I could have been inside my warm room, but then again, what would I be doing? Brooding and writing a not-at-all passive aggressive letter to Edward. Or looking at more baby pictures of Alex.

The whole point was to force myself out of my shell, right? I needed to experience the real world again.

Someone lunged at me from out of the dark and I stumbled back in mute terror, a whimper-like noise coming out of my mouth a second later, to my mortification.

"Fuck!" Jacob had jumped back as well, eyes wide.

It was someone from the football team, snickering behind a clown mask. "Jesus Christ, lighten the fuck up," the clown slurred, before darting off, as I tried to regain control of my pounding heart and the blood rushing in my ears. I wanted to go home. Now.

"What a douchebag," Jake muttered, his hand on my shoulder to steady me; I realized I was shaking like a leaf, and not from the chill in the air. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I said quickly. "Just some moron." For a few moments I seriously considered getting a drink and actually taking more than a halfhearted, sour-faced sip of it, but I pushed the thought away. Close-knit bunch or not, I didn't want to be wandering around drunk and vulnerable, even if it might help me 'lighten the fuck up'.

I spotted Mike and Jess making their way over towards us; her curly hair was a mess and his jacket was buttoned wrong, but I was too shaken up to say anything about it- I tried to let the anxiety settle in the pit of my stomach, like mud or muck. That way it could be more easily avoided. There was no reason to be afraid. I wasn't eight years old- I wasn't going to be scared of a few people running around in masks.

"Jacob, right?" Jess was asking Jake casually, as she haphazardly re-arranged her curls.

"Yeah," he said far less shyly than he had the last time they'd met; either he'd gotten over some of his intimidation due to being friends with me, or it was the beer talking. "Bella's making fun of me for being a junior at a senior party."

I forced a laugh, while Jess tutted playfully, one arm slung around Mike's shoulders. "She's such a bully."

Mike started to ask Jacob a question about something, but I didn't catch what- I suddenly felt roasting, despite the cold, and I stepped away from the group, wanting a moment to myself. I had the feeling that if I stopped walking and just stood there, I'd see something coming out of the dark, reaching for me, so I walked back towards the parked cars a bit, where all the coolers were. Maybe someone had brought water.

As I rummaged around in one, I heard some noise from behind the cars, at the gravel end of where the road met the shore, and I froze, straightening up, before I recognized a familiar voice. Against my better judgment, I walked slowly around one of the cars, before I ducked back around at the sight of two older-looking guys, both very clearly drunk, or just incredibly rowdy. They were standing there, bottles in hand, leering at a flustered looking Lauren trying to skirt past them, pulling her jacket tighter around herself, shoulders hunched.

"I know a way to keep you warm, baby," one of them called, the others bursting into loud laughter.

I stood there, out of sight, debating, until one of them moved a little closer to her, trying to block her path, and I stepped out from behind the car. "Lauren!" I yelled. "Jess is looking for you, come on." I turned back towards the bonfire, pitching my voice even louder this time. "Jess, Mike, I found her! She's over here!"

This made the two of them pause long enough for Lauren to make her way over to me, heels crunching in the gravel, head down. When she was close enough to make out I realized she'd been crying, judging by what had happened to her makeup. We walked back towards the party in silence, until she cleared her throat.

"Thanks. I wasn't in the mood to deal with their shit."

"Anytime," I said awkwardly, tapping the water bottle in my hand against my thigh nervously. I couldn't believe I'd done that. I didn't even like Lauren. I almost loathed her, in fact. She'd never been anything but unwaveringly spiteful and petty towards me, all because she couldn't stand not being the center of attention for more than two minutes.

"Tyler cheated on me," she blurted out. "He just told me. With fucking Jennifer. That fucking bitch. I should have- I knew something was going on. Well, fuck him. Fuck both of them. I could get any guy in this entire goddamn pathetic school."

I said nothing.

"Don't tell anyone," she continued. "Okay? I just- I just had to say it out loud to someone. ..You know?" She gave me an odd look; something almost resembling a smile, for once, before she walked off, slightly unsteady in her heels.

I rejoined Mike, Jess, and Jake, feeling slightly guilty about just leaving him with them, but he didn't seem any worse for the wear, and I took advantage of my water to not have to say much of anything. A few minutes later, though, a crowd started gathering in our general vicinity, and I realized the game must be starting. There didn't seem to be anyone specifically in charge, but Mike and Lee eventually both pushed their way to the front.

"Alright, listen!" I'd never heard Lee talk above a quiet mutter before, but now discovered his voice could carry perfectly well when he wanted it to. "We're doing two teams- hiders and seekers. _Someone_ was supposed to bring bandanas or some shit so everybody could tell each other apart, but they forgot, so we're just going to have to remember who's on what team. The fires are base, you have to hide in the woods, and the boundaries are to the stream and up to the hills- basically, just stay in the woods, yeah?

"No more than two people hiding together, no more than two people searching together. If you get tagged, you're out," Mike added. "And you all better have brought your own flashlights, because otherwise you're shit out of luck."

Of course I considered simply sitting down at one of the fires and refusing to play, or just going back to the truck and leaving. But Jacob looked ecstatic, and it wouldn't have felt right to leave him alone, so we walked back to my truck to get a flashlight from an emergency kit Dad made me keep under the seat. I insisted on carrying the flashlight, feeling a bit more secure with a powerful beam lighting our way, and we rejoined the large group to get put into teams.

Lee and Mike alternatively counted people off onto one team or another, and I simply pulled Jake along with me to ensure we didn't get split up. I spotted Mike, Jess, and Lauren on the seeking team, while Ben and Angela, although they looked about as enthusiastic as I probably did, were on the hiding team.

"We're just going to hide by one of the old fallen trees right at the edge," Angela confided in me as the hiding group hurried off towards the tree line, wavering lights illuminating the sheer darkness of the forest. "Ben doesn't want to go any further in."

"I don't think we're heading too far into the woods either," I said, but Jacob had other plans.

"I know a really good spot," he insisted, as we scrambled through the underbrush.

I was doubtful, but to my relief felt less nerve-wracked than I thought I would. Ironically enough the guy in the clown mask and the two in the parking lot harassing Lauren had scared me more than these woods did now.

When Jake finally came to a halt, I could no longer hear anything but our own breathing- no sounds of anyone else hiding nearby, no yelling from the seeking team, who I'd just heard ending their count-down a few moments before, nothing.

"Here," he gestured to a hollowed out stump of a tree, which was absolutely giant, and we scrambled into it, crouching down low. Jostling into each other, we both snickered a little, before falling silent as we listened.

"How are we going to get away if they find us?" I whispered.

"They won't," he whispered back. "I'll hear them coming before they do."

"What, you have super-hearing all of a sudden?" I mumbled in amusement, before he put a finger to his lips. Someone was nearby. We listened to the slow crunch of the footsteps as they got closer, but they didn't sound like those of a teen trying to sneak up on someone. Somehow, they were markedly different, and I found my amusement slowly draining away. This was wrong. Something was wrong.

"What if I jump up?" Jake breathed, "And shine the light right in their eyes so we can run-,"

The look of growing terror in my eyes must have cut him off, because he abruptly stopped talking and grabbed my hand as if he were about to try to scramble out of the stump and drag me with him. Thinking this might be worse, I shook my head fiercely, then tried to pull him back down when he stood up.

"What are you doing-,"

Jacob yelled and dropped the flashlight, and I snatched it, practically vaulting over the stump, my bad leg screaming in protest. I landed on the ground, him right behind me, and shone the light around wildly. I needed to know which way to run, which way to-

"Oh my god," I said breathlessly. "Oh my god." Caught in the beam of my light was something, not someone- not a person, not a vampire, but a _thing_ , down on all fours, staring back at me, teeth bared. It was the largest wolf I'd ever seen, and it was less than a stone's throw away.

I struggled to my feet, trying to run in the opposite direction, but Jacob blocked my path.

"Don't run, don't run," he hissed. "Just back up with me."

We slowly stumbled backwards, tripping over roots and stones, my light firmly trained on the wolf, until it loped away, disappearing into the dark.

 _Adrenaline; you don't even feel the pain._

 _\- Gavin Rossdale, 'Adrenaline'_


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you to Sarcastic Bimbo, Coffeefilterart, Vagabonda, 2old4fanfic, jansails, Capricorn75, AHealingRenaissance, csp4, and stylesera for your reviews, AHealingRenaissance, Kirbee Angel, and stylesera for your follows, and Winterbee2001, csp4, stylesera, and vinie24 for your faves._

CHAPTER NINE

WE WERE BOTH UNDERSTANDABLY UPSET as we raced back towards flash lights flickering in the distance, hoping we weren't headed even further into the woods. I hadn't had this kind of adrenaline coursing through my body since the ill-fated birthday party, and it alarmed how familiar it felt, the slightly light-headed, dizzy feeling that I was spinning wildly out of control yet frozen in place at the same time. I fell flat on my face, twice, breaking my flashlight the second time, and ended up gripping onto the back of Jake's hoodie for fear of losing him in the dark. We were both completely silent aside from our own harsh breathing and for a few moments I had a sense of déjà vu, before it faded away.

We drew closer to the flashlights, before a beam cut across us, momentarily blinding me.

"Got you!" someone crowed triumphantly- in my anxiety it was impossible to place the voice.

"Get back to the beach," Jake barked- he sounded shockingly sober now in comparison to his prior slight tipsiness. I wondered if fear could actually lower your blood alcohol count.

"There's a giant wolf out there," I hissed at them, still shielding my eyes from the glare of the flashlights. "We have to go back before someone gets hurt."

"Are you guys high?" someone snickered.

"Are you deaf?" I snapped, and, not particularly caring at the moment whether they became dinner or not, stalked past them, now that my sight had adjusted and it was slightly less dark, as the trees weren't nearly as thick around us. I could hear more people nearby. Jacob kept himself practically glued to my side, as we now slowed to a fast, tense walk back towards the rocky shoreline.

Ben and Angela were standing right there, and Ben waved in greeting.

"We got found right away," Angie admitted sheepishly, but stopped talking at the look on our faces.

"We saw what you saw last week," I said hoarsely. "A massive wolf. It practically walked right by us. It was _huge_ , Ang."

She paled, and Ben shifted nervously. "Do the others know?"

"We tried to tell them but they're trashed," Jake said bitterly.

I'd had about enough for one night. First Lauren in the parking lot, now this…

"I'm going home," I said shortly. "I don't care what they're doing. If they want to get mauled out there, fine." I wanted home, now. An icy wind had picked up, and nothing seemed more appealing than my warm bed, behind safely locked doors.

"What about Mike and Jess?" Angela demanded. "Did you see them?"

Jacob shook his head. I frowned and glanced around. There were several others now gathered around apprehensively, having obviously overheard us.

"Fuck this, I'm not dying tonight," someone muttered, and one or two people started back in the direction of the cars.

"Does Jess have her phone on her?" I asked, thinking to my own phone, left in the truck so I didn't lose it running around in the woods.

"I think so," Angela said slowly. "I'll try calling her."

We stood there apprehensively as she dialed. Jake folded and unfolded his arms, twice.

"Come on, pick up," Angie muttered, staring at her cell phone screen, and then sighed as it went to voice mail.

"She probably has it on silent," Ben pointed out.

We stood there in silence for a few more moments before there were sounds of a massive commotion from the woods nearby. I half expected to see an entire pack of wolves bursting out onto the beach, and took an uneasy step back towards the direction of the cars. But there were no wolves, only frightened teens.

"Did you see that?!" someone was yelling. "Did you _see_ that thing?!"

Jennifer was crying hysterically, I noted, and a few other people looked very shaken. I was just relieved to see Jessica and Mike among the group, looking more confused than anything else. From what anyone could tell, given the fact that everyone was talking at once, Jake and I had not been the only ones to see the wolf, and once others had seen people running back towards the beach in a panic, herd mentality had kicked in, for once in a positive manner.

"Jacob and I saw it," I muttered to Jess. "It was so close."

Her blue eyes were wide as pitchers. "That's so freaky. God. No one's ever seen anything out here during manhunt before- not even like, a deer, never mind a giant fucking wolf."

The mood of the party continued to shift as more and more people came back, those most of them were just annoyed the game had been cut short. To my relief even the really drunk people seemed to understand that heading back into the woods wasn't a good idea, and no one suggested anyone attempt to. Now that all of my friends were accounted for, I marched off towards my truck, tugging Jake along with me like a little kid.

"I'll drop you off at home," I said shortly, and didn't relax until we were both in Toy Truck, doors locked, headlights on. I peeled back onto the rocky road faster than I had any right to be going, but most people seemed to be having the same idea, so I slowed considerably, as it became a bit of a gridlock with everyone, for once, eager to leave the party.

As we finally pulled away, I saw first one fire, then the other, go out, extinguished by some straggler. And I thought that if I were them, I wouldn't want to be that last person, walking back to my car in the dark on that lonely strip of beach. I was worried it might really start to rain as I drove in the vague direction of the Black home, following his mumbled directions, but the night remained clear and disturbingly still. Even the wind was silent as I pulled up their driveway.

"Want me to walk you to the door?" I asked half-jokingly, half-seriously, but he waved my question away, climbing out of the truck and jogging up the porch. He'd seemed tired in the truck; or maybe he just hadn't felt like talking much after that. I wondered if I'd embarrassed him, making it out like I was In Control when he was the one who'd kept their calm, but he did turn and wave briefly before he headed inside.

My quiet drive back to Forks still left me unsettled, and I listened to some radio talk show with a foul-mouthed host to distract myself. I was shocked it was only a little past ten when I finally turned onto my street; it had seemed so much later. Maybe it was just the creeping exhaustion settling in. I'd had far, far worse nights, but this was supposed to have been _normal_. No vampires.

No, I thought sarcastically as I fast-walked up to the front door, keys tightly in my grip, instead I now had giant wolves to contend with instead. Wait until Edward got a load of this. Then again, had he been here, I wouldn't even have been at the stupid party. So in a way, it was all his fault.

The thought comforted me as I firmly shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it, and turned to see Dad, surprise surprise, watching TV.

"You're always home early from these things," he commented with a chuckle, although he was eying me in a way that made it clear that he was assessing both my mental and physical condition.

"I'm still not much of a party person, I guess," I muttered. Had I been in any less of a mood to discuss my evening I would have gone mute. I supposed he had a right to know about potentially dangerous giant wolves roaming the reservation, but that could probably wait until tomorrow morning, right? I was ninety eight percent certain I had leaves and twigs stuck in my hair.

I took a long hot shower, which had always seemed to work as a quick cure-all in the past, and went straight to bed after I'd finished combing through my hair. No dreams, I prayed, no dreams. And then, as I laid there, in the dark of my room, I remembered another night at the beach with Jacob, and what he'd told me. At the time I had only focused on the part of it I saw as potentially damning evidence- the Cullens being vampires, of course. But now I recalled the other… supernatural beings… mentioned during it. Skin changers. Men taking the form of wolves.

But that was ridiculous, I reminded myself, however doubtfully. One myth being real, fine. But there was absolutely no way that there were… that…

"Oh, God," I mumbled, before I drifted off into a deep, mercifully dreamless sleep.

 _Third wheel, try and deal your best hand..._

 _\- Set It Off, 'Third Wheel'_


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for a very, very long wait- I'm coming out of an extremely busy month for me. Happy early Halloween, and thank you to 2old4fanfic, jansails, AHealingRenaissance, SarcasticBimbo, MusetteBlanchard, Coffeefilterart, csp4, bella vs clary1, Capricorn75, GabriellaCallahan, LillyJo, Lisalouise, aggy73, boydroses, byoungrn, cierarichez, sakari-x, tlwatkins, Tjputvin, and paigecolli._

CHAPTER TEN

HALLOWEEN CAME AND WENT with no more news of giant wolves, which I decided to take as a good sign. In keeping with my usual 'lying by omission' standards, I made no mention of the encounter Jacob and I had had to my dad. Word got out about kids seeing a lone wolf in the forest- although they varied, as a few people claimed to have seen more than one at a time- but as far as Dad knew, it was only a rumor circulating around the high school, and the word of drunken teenagers was not taken terribly seriously. Besides, La Push had no interest in letting sheriff deputies wander around the reservation, and as had always been and likely always would be the norm in the Forks, everyone minded their own business and didn't ask too many questions.

We got only a few trick-or-treaters. I spent the night writing back to Edward, more out of passive guilt than anything else. I didn't know what was wrong. How could I go to feeling so close to him to feeling as if he was just some hallucination or dream, after only two months away from him? The thought that my feelings for him hadn't really been as intense or lasting as I had assumed horrified me, and I tried to remember the summer we'd shared. I forced myself to look through the photos I'd taken; neither of us liked getting our picture taken, although for very different reasons, so there were only two of us together, both taken by one sly Alice.

The first was of us listening to music in his room, slumped casually against, practically on top of, one another, record covers scattered across the bed. His eyes were closed, and mine were only half open, gazing at him as if slightly dazed. I tried to memorize his face from the picture, because I felt like I was losing it as the days dragged on. The second was of us at the lunch table at school, in the midst of some debate- I was gesturing indignantly with a straw, while he propped his head up on his hand and smirked sideways at the camera.

After a few moments of debate, I taped the polaroids up on the corner of my computer, and tried to focus on a college application essay. November seemed like one of those endless, dreary winter months at the beginning, but began to skip along at an alarmingly quick pace for us seniors. The trees were entirely bare, the grass a wretched shade of brown, and I could feel the feelings of emptiness and abandonment encroaching once against as pleasant fall hurtled towards a Washington winter.

This would really be my second winter in Forks; I'd arrived in January of last year, but it would be my first Christmas. That was the plan; Thanksgiving in California, Christmas in Forks. I wasn't sure which would be worse, but I thought the coming change of scenery might do me some good, even if the last time I'd been in Stockton it had been with Edward.

A few days before Thanksgiving break I found myself huddling into my jacket against the bitter wind as I walked up towards the Black garage. It was in the mid forties outside, but with the wind it felt far colder. At this time of the year in Phoenix it would have been in the balmy seventies. Jake stood in the garage doorway, and I ducked inside, hoping the meager cover might offer some protection from the chill.

"Ta-da," he said with a grin and a wave of his hand; I stared at the completed, gleaming black dirt bikes in shock. He'd said he'd finished them, but I hadn't expected them to look this _good_.

"You've got to go to school for this after you graduate. I'm serious," I told him. "These look professional."

He flushed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess. I just got really into it, and it's not like I have much else to do…,"

Jacob's estrangement from his friends was still in full force; he didn't like to talk about it much, but aside from the Sam thing, they seemed to have had some other sort of falling out. I felt somewhat guilty, although I had no way of knowing whether it had anything to do with me or not. Maybe they'd just grown apart. That was what teenagers did.

Eager to distract him from any brewing angst over faltering friendships, I approached the bikes, running my gloved hands over them. "Can we try them out now?"

"Today?" He frowned. "It's kind of windy."

"Do not tell me you dragged me out here just to _look_ at them," I half-joked, and that won him over.

Shaking his head, he started to wheel one towards the truck, and I followed suit, feeling oddly eager. I hadn't thought I'd actually be willing to get on one of the bikes when the time came, but here I was. I pictured Edward's expression, were he to ever find out that during his absence I had gone dirt-biking with Jacob Black, and had to fight back a laugh.

We didn't drive very far; maybe fifteen minute along a winding old reservation road, more dirt than anything else. I could tell when we parked that we were close to the ocean; you could smell it in the frigid air. When I got out of Toy Truck it was obvious we were right along the cliff; through the sparse pines I could see the edge, endless watery grey stretching beyond it. And several figures obscuring the intimidating view; there were a few boys, or young men, hanging around on the cliff.

And the one proceeded to dive off the edge. I gasped, whipping my head around to confirm that Jacob was seeing the same thing I was. He looked more annoyed than concerned. I knew cliff-diving was fairly common at La Push, but in late November? That seemed extreme.

"Are they crazy, or just stupid?" I asked after a moment.

"Both," he muttered.

I realized he probably knew them, and headed around to get my bike out. "Come on. Let's take some risks of our own." Because nothing said 'safety' like dirt-biking without gear or helmets. Which we had conveniently forgotten.

We wheeled the bikes away from the cliffs, further back into the quiet of the forested slopes. "That was them," he finally muttered, a bit sullenly, but I could hardly hold it against him. I wasn't the only one who'd been left behind.

"Have you tried talking to them?" I cautiously straddled my bike.

He snorted. "Tried. But it's hard to say anything with Sam fucking Uley hovering around like he's their mother. He's so full of it. 'Respect the tribe, respect the land'- I remember him when he was my age, and he seemed a lot more interested in girls than in pride in our ancestors, or whatever."

"Maybe he went through a bad breakup."

"He _did_. With Leah Clearwater- you know, Seth's sister. But that was like, two years ago. Way before he started his little cult. And now even _Paul_ hangs out with them- Paul! 'I don't give a shit about anything' Paul. And now he's practically Sam's fucking right hand man."

I let him vent, but tested the motor. It roared like a small jungle cat, to my delight. I adjusted my grip on the handlebars, held my breath, and let the bike surge forward, carrying me down the trail. With a yelp, I braked at the last second, not trusting myself to make it around the coming turn, and glanced back ay Jacob sheepishly. "Maybe you should demonstrate."

That got a laugh out of him, and demonstrate he did, whipping past me on the bike like he'd been riding it since the day he was born, and almost disappearing into the trees.

"Wait up!" I yelled, and tentatively shot after him myself, convinced I was about to break my neck at any moment. But at the same time, it felt good, in a reckless, frantic sort of way, to give up control to something else. To for once just exist in the moment. The trees blurred on all sides, and I could see that I was catching up to Jake- I let out an ecstatic victory cry, and he glanced over at me, grinning, right before the bike skidded out of control.

I screamed and swerved off the trail and into some bushes, practically jumping off my bike. Jake's bike had plowed straight into a towering elm, and he was lying, crumpled, and suddenly looking very young, at the base of it.

 _I see forever, and it looks you and me... in the meadow..._

 _\- Men Without Hats, 'The Meadow'_


	11. Chapter 11

_Happy Veteran's Day! Thank you to jansails, 2old4fanfic, Capricorn75, SarcasticBimbo, Vagabonda, Coffeefilterart, PsychoAsh, bon123, and ponzer._

CHAPTER ELEVEN

SHIT, WAS ALL I COULD THINK. Shit shit shit. Shit. Oh God, I'd just killed him. Jesus Christ, why wasn't he moving? Had he broken his neck? What if he'd just hit his head too hard? How the fuck was I going to explain this? Tell Billy Black that I'd talked his young son into going dirt-biking, distracted him, and watched him ram straight into a tree? How fast had we been going? I tripped over my now stationary bike, engine's growls fading into the now once-more silent woods, and rushed over to where Jacob lay motionless, on his side.

"Jake!" I was afraid to touch him. I crouched down beside him, relieved there didn't appear to be any blood. But his eyes were closed. "Jake," I said helplessly. Fuck. Where was my cell phone? Of course. I'd left it in the truck. What the fuck was wrong with me? I scrambled to my feet, wondering how long it'd take to run back to TT, when I heard sounds nearby, and realized someone, or someones, was coming towards us through the trees.

I tensed, and remained tense, as several guys came into view, but relaxed slightly when I recognized Quil and Embry, who flanked Sam Uley on either side like bodyguards. Still, after all I'd heard from Jake I was less than trusting as Sam stalked over. "What happened?" he demanded, voice hard, face stern, like someone years his elder.

"He lost control of the bike," I tried to stay calm, but my hands balled up into fists at my sides instinctively. "It hit the tree and threw him off. He's knocked out."

"Jake!" Quil called out in alarm, and he and Embry darted forward towards their friend, only to freeze in their tracks when Sam snapped, "Don't!"

He strode past them only to fall to his knees at Jacob's side, taking a limp wrist in one hand. "His pulse is fine."

Jake groaned softly and I felt my heart rate start to slow back down. I gasped in relief.

"Don't get up," Sam was urging Jacob, who was struggling to prop himself up on his elbows.

Jake took one good look at the older boy and shot up onto his feet as if he'd just received an electric shock. "Get the fuck away from me!"

"Dude- he was just trying to help-," Quil and Embry echoed each other like Siamese twins.

"Jacob, calm down," said Sam, in a very paternal tone, like an exasperated stepfather.

"You need to see a doctor." I skirted around the others and put myself between Jacob and them, afraid he might start throwing punches, since he was clearly operating purely on adrenaline. "You could have a concussion." I would know, given my history of falling… or being pushed, thrown, etc…

He looked at me wildly, before bracing himself with one hand against the trunk of the tree. "I don't."

"You might," I snapped, more irritated with myself than anyone else. This was all my fault. He was lucky to be up and walking around. If I hadn't encouraged the stupid dirt bike thing just because I was trying to distract myself from thinking about Edward- fucking Edward! I could have strangled him, and he wasn't even there. I conjured him up among the dead leaves and sparse trees, and glared at him. Or in this case, his stand-in. Sam.

"My truck's not far from here. If one of you can help me get him to it-," I addressed this more at Quil and Embry, but before they had a chance to say anything, Sam once again stepped in.

"Bella, let me handle this. Go home."

My glare turned into an outright glower. "I will _not_ go home- I'm the one who convinced him to come out here-,"

"That's exactly why you need to leave," Sam cut me off dismissively; there was no real anger in his calm tone, but it was unyielding.

"She's not going anywhere she doesn't want to go," snarled Jacob, with a ferocity I'd never seen from him. He was still holding onto the tree for balance, clearly disoriented, but stared Sam down like two boxers pre-match.

"I'm just telling her-," Sam stopped mid-sentence as Jake suddenly doubled over and vomited.

I stepped back in spite of my concern, feeling my own stomach turn at the sight of it. When he was done he heaved, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I tried not to cringe.

"He needs a doctor," it was my turn to snarl, and if Sam Uley thought he intimidated me, he had another thing coming, seeing what I'd been up against in the past- "And he's going to the doctor. Now." I gingerly got one of Jacob's arms up and over my shoulders, trying not to crumple under his weight and my less than impressive strength, and stared at the other three before Quil hurried to help me.

Luckily, it wasn't a very long walk back to the truck, and halfway there Sam got off his high horse and insisted on taking over half-carrying, half-assisting Jake, who seemed pretty woozy. I darted ahead, starting the truck, and waited impatiently for them to settle him in the seat beside me, glad the truck would really only seat two, or else I was sure Sam would have insisted on coming along. He did make Quil and Embry run back to get the bikes, which I refused to thank him for.

"I'll be by later Jacob," he informed him once the bikes were settled in the bed of the truck, and I reached over the slumped Jake and slammed the door shut in his face before roaring off.

"Be by later Jacob…," I muttered under my breath. "You were right. What a condescending dick."

"Told you," Jake muttered, through the hand over his mouth, so determined was he not to ruin the truck's upholstery. We made it to the reservation clinic within a few minutes, and the doctor there confirmed that it was a concussion.

"It's not serious," he said. "Take some advil if you're getting headaches, and have your dad check on you tonight to make sure you're not deteriorating. No cars-," and he cast us a warning look- "And no bikes, for at least two weeks."

I hadn't been able to come up with a very convincing lie, and apologized as I drove Jacob back home.

"S'fine," he sighed. "I'll hide the bikes somewhere. Tell him I fell and hit my head messing around with Quil and Embry. If my dad can't find them, he can't really do anything about it. And it's not like he can tear the garage apart."

I realized he was referring dryly to Billy being in a wheelchair, and felt another sting of guilt. Jacob was, technically, his dad's primary caregiver, and now he'd be laid up for at least the next day or two.

"It's not your fault," he reminded me as I pulled into his driveway. "It could have happened to either of us."

"Better me than you," I said under my breath, but made him stay in the truck while I wheeled the bikes into the garage, hurriedly throwing a tarp over them, and walked him up to the front door.

"I'll see you when you get back from Cali," he joked tiredly, and I smiled briefly, before he went into the house. Hearing Billy speaking inside made me hurry back to the truck like a chastened child, and I drove home in a melancholy silence. I was relieved Jacob was alright, but the way Sam had behaved had struck me as odd. He'd acted as though Jacob were somehow his responsibility. Was it that he considered everyone on the reservation family? Or something else?

I didn't have much time to think of it the next few days- I was leaving on the 23rd, and would be back on the 27th. I double-checked with Dad the morning of my flight, as we drove towards the Port Angeles airport, where I'd take the small plane to Seattle, then catch my flight down to Stockton, that he was alright with me going. I'd done no such thing over the summer, but it was Thanksgiving, a family holiday, and it seemed a far lonelier season.

"I'm eating with the Blacks and Clearwaters," he told me gruffly, as he looked for a spot to park. "Don't think I'll starve."

"You know that's not what I meant," I muttered.

"Hey. Tell your mom and Phil and the baby I said hi, alright?" He patted me on the shoulder, and I nodded reluctantly, before I was off on my way.

In Stockton it hovered in the low sixties, a far cry from Forks, where we hadn't hit fifty degrees in days. The sun too, was out and about, and I blinked in the bright light of the airport before I recognized a familiar couple and a stroller. Alex wasn't crawling yet, but he was grabbing everything within reach- including my hair when I bent down to say hello to him.

Mom and Phil seemed as enchanted with each other and with Alex as ever, but plenty of attention was being heaped on me as well; I wondered if Mom felt guilty for her emails and calls being sparser, busy as she was with a new baby. The apartment was a mess, but at least it was a mostly clean mess, and the small guest room that served as mine during my visits had been untouched since the summer.

The topic of Edward was studiously avoided by everyone, to my relief, and I didn't mind that we went out to eat for Thanksgiving dinner. Better that than watching my mom have a nervous breakdown in the cramped little kitchen, surrounded by bottles and pacifiers. I almost went the whole visit without getting cornered by Mom, which had been my goal, but on Saturday, she insisted the two of us go see a movie alone. The movie was a cheesy rom-com neither of us paid much attention to, and afterwards, while we walked back to the car, she stopped me in my tracks.

"How have you been?"

"Mom," I groaned.

"Bella, I'm serious. You were so happy this summer-,"

"I'm not _unhappy_ now."

She looked at me. "Bella, he-,"

"Mom!"

"No, Isabella, listen to me. Do not put your life on hold for this boy. It is your senior year. You have a _wonderful_ future ahead of you."

"I'm not putting anything on hold," I snapped. "I am going on with my life. I'm applying to colleges. I'm not waiting, wistfully staring out my window-,"

"Good. I don't want you to…,"

"To make your mistakes?" I finished the sentence for her as we reached the car. "Don't worry, Mom. I think I've got that covered."

I expected her to go off on me when she got into the driver's side next to me, but she just sat there for a moment, then exhaled. "I don't regret what happened with your dad and I. It helped me grow up in a lot of ways. But I had to start over after that. I didn't get to experience any of the things my friends did. I had you to worry about, and bills to pay all on my own. I don't want you to miss out on anything. That's all."

"I know," I said, a bit more meek, and she reached over and squeezed my hand.

I was back in Forks by that Sunday evening, and debated maybe heading over to the Blacks to see how Jake was doing, but Dad advised against it.

"He came down with something- might be mono. Probably best to give him some space for a while."

I sighed. Ben, Angie, and Mike all had some sort of stomach flu as well, and Jess was insisting on a 24 hour quarantine in case she'd gotten it too. I suspected I might be in for some very small classes at school tomorrow. "I hope he feels better soon," I said worriedly, assuring myself that this had nothing to do with the concussion- that didn't bring on mono.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Billy said Sam Uley was coming over to talk to him. Cheer him up."

I stared. "Sam?" I repeated a little more shrilly than was called for.

"Yeah, guess the two of them are close… You know, Sam's been taking some of the younger guys at the reservation under his wing…"

I got up and hurried upstairs, snatching my phone off the bed and scrolling through the numbers. Jacob didn't have a cell phone, and calling the house was clearly not a good idea. But I did have the number of someone who knew Sam… I hovered over it.

Leah Clearwater.

 _We've got lamb on the door, waiting for the angel, walking through blood knee-high..._

 _\- Gaza, "Cult"_


	12. Chapter 12

_New Moon is killing me; I get more and more impatient with every chapter. This was always my least favorite of all the books, but I'm hoping to start heading towards the rising action soon, since we're about halfway through now. Thank you to 2old4fanfic, jansails, SarcasticBimbo, Coffeefilterart, csp4, Babyface Carter, EchoingWinter, Maestro4EvarMore, TempeWick, catherinepwalsh9, and kneon._

CHAPTER TWELVE

I ALMOST HOPED LEAH DIDN'T PICK UP; that way I could leave a no doubt incredibly stilted voice mail, and pray she didn't call me back. But as usual, I didn't feel like I could take the coward's route now, not while I sat cross-legged on my bed, listening to the phone ring once, twice, a third time-

"Hello? Who is this?" An irritated sounding voice demanded on the other end.

I sucked in a breath, realizing I had exactly nothing planned to say, and forced out, "It's Bella- Bella Swan, I don't know if you-,"

"I know who you are," she cut me off abruptly, sounding less annoyed but just as cold. "Can I help you with something?"

Leah and I, I was beginning to suspect, might have a little too much in common.

"I need to- I need to talk to you about Sam Uley," I said, lamely, bracing myself. Jacob _had_ said they'd gone through a nasty breakup not too long ago. I half expected her to immediately hang up on me.

Instead Leah was silent for a moment, before asking in a hard tone, "What about that piece of shit?"

"I… Jake- he's been freaking Jacob out lately. Jake says his friends are suddenly always with him. He thinks he might be… manipulating them, somehow. Like some sort of… cult."

"Cult of personality?" she snorted. "Wow, sounds like Sam."

"You think-,"

Leah laughed in a way that reminded me of glass fracturing. "No. I _know_. There's something seriously wrong with him. I just didn't see it until it was too late."

"What do you mean?" I demanded, heartbeat picking up. If Jacob was in danger- if I'd somehow left him vulnerable-

"I mean he's a freak," Leah snapped. "We dated for two years. It was great. He was normal. Everything was fine. Then, the summer before my junior year, right before he's supposed to leave for college, he snaps or _something_ and disappears. For two weeks."

"Then he shows up at my house at three in the goddamn morning, ranting and raving like some lunatic, covered in dirt and _blood_ , and my dad drives him home, carrying on all the way. The next week he acts as if it never happened, tells me we've 'outgrown' each other, and fucks off! Doesn't go to college! Stays here to do who knows what with his life, and here he is! Still here!"

It took me a few moments to process all of that, separating the clearly still raw emotion from the facts, or at least, what Leah claimed were the facts. Sam had apparently suffered some sort of nervous breakdown and…. and what? Gone from potential psych ward patient to the reservation's pride and joy in a manner of a week or two? None of this made sense. In fact, the last time nothing had made any sense like this… I willed myself not to jump to conclusions.

"Leah," I said as calmly as I could manage. "Have you talked to Sam since then?"

"We've had a few run-ins," she sneered. "They ended badly. For him."

Something about this really got under her skin, I could tell. Her anger was perfectly understandable, if Sam really had blown up their relationship like that, but it had been two years. Obviously his continued presence at La Push was not helping either of them move on-

"He's dating my cousin now," Leah continued heatedly. "So you're probably better off asking _her_ about him."

Oh. Well that explained the... rage.

"I just called because- well, my dad says that Billy said that Jake's sick. Some sort of bug. And that Sam has been coming around- and the last time I saw Sam and Jacob interact it was- something was seriously off. Quil and Embry were with him. And Paul, I think-,"

Leah sighed. "I don't know, Bella. I mean it. Sam was always… popular, I mean, he was the social one, of the two of us, but- I just stay away from him. And all of his new little cronies. He's not-," she hesitated. "I don't think he would _hurt_ anyone. If that's what you're worried about. But I would- I'd be careful. And tell Jake Black to be careful too, if he knows what's good for him. Look, I've got a paper due tomorrow, so-,"

"Right," I said, and listened to her hang up, before setting my phone down in my lap. I'd gotten some answers- but not really any I'd wanted.

That night I dreamed I was watching Jacob sleep, fitfully, tossing and turning in his bed. Something slept at the foot of the bed, and when I approached it, it only grew bigger and bigger, until it was a snarling beast that filled the entire room. I was not frightened, but felt some immense pressure; as if there were something I needed to do but kept forgetting. The pressure grew into panic, so much so that when I jolted awake at around four in the morning, I raced into the bathroom to vomit.

Which I continued to do for the next two hours. I didn't go to school, and Dad called into work for me, while I felt like I was dying up until around Monday evening. I fell asleep around seven, after cautiously eating a little toast, and slept until ten Tuesday morning. I could have gone in late to school, but while my nausea had finally faded, I still felt a bit off, and so stayed home, catching up on missed schoolwork. That evening I tried calling the Blacks. No answer. I didn't leave a message.

Wednesday I was back in school, and again called once I was home. No answer. I left a message asking Jacob to call me when he felt a bit better.

"It's mono," Dad told me that night at dinner.

I raised an eyebrow as I shoved my salad around on my plate with a fork. "Isn't that from kissing?"

"He could have gotten it from sharing a water bottle with someone, Bella," Dad sighed. "I know you miss him, but he needs time to rest up. And Billy is stressed as it is, looking after him."

The vaguely accusatory way he was looking at me annoyed me. "Fine," I muttered. "I'll stop calling."

December was upon us. It snowed the first few days of the month, blanketing Forks in crisp white. I wrote Edward, making no mention of Jacob, the dirt biking incident, my phone call with Leah, his mono- any of it. It was a brief letter. The next week, as the rain half-melted most of the snow, he wrote me back.

He could see me before Christmas. Carlisle and Esme had deemed it safe. It was one bright spot in what seemed like a newly dull world. I clung to the thought, and the date promised- December 18th. Another part of me wondered why I wasn't more ecstatic; I felt oddly numb to the whole thing, maybe because I didn't quite believe him. I wouldn't until I'd seen him. I hadn't seen glimpses of any familiar faces in a while.

A few days before the 18th, Dad came home in an obviously good mood. I was feeling a little better myself, having just gotten home from a study session with Jess and Angie, and looked at him curiously from my position on the couch as he took off his jacket.

"Jake's better," he informed me. "Recovered pretty quick, I guess."

" _What_?" I nearly bounded over the back of the couch.

"I just saw him out today with some friends."

"But-," I found myself close to stammering in shock, "But he hasn't called or anything!"

"Bella, I'm sure he'll call soon- he's probably just happy to be back on his feet. He looked fine to me."

I stalked over to the phone, trying to rein myself in. I wasn't Jacob's only friend. I was probably overreacting- God knew I was sensitive to feeling left behind, what with the whole Edward thing…

Someone answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" It was Jacob. He sounded perfectly fine, if a little hoarse-

"Jake!" I gasped. "Are you okay? What happened?!"

"Bella? I… Look, I…,"

I almost twitched with impatience on the other end of the line.

"I really can't talk right now," he finally said, sounding regretful, but… Something else.

"What do you mean?" I tried not to snap, but failed miserably. "Jake, at least let me know that you're okay-,"

"I'm fine," he interrupted me. "Seriously, I am. I'm just… going through some stuff right now. Look, maybe after Christmas we can… I'll call you. I just… I need some space right now."

I felt the familiar sting of rejection, and then-

He couldn't talk.

Sam.

He was 'going through some stuff'.

Sam.

For two weeks.

Sam…

"Did the same thing happen to him?" I blurted out.

Jacob was silent.

"To Sam? That just happened to you?"

"Bella, I can't."

He hung up on me.

 _Intruders; happy in the dark._

 _\- Peter Gabriel, 'Intruder'_


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I SURPRISED EVEN MYSELF by not calling Jacob back at all for the next few days. Of course, this wasn't because I didn't want to interrogate him, but because I was trying to process the whole thing. If my suspicions were correct (and all evidence pointed to them being correct), then my friend was a… a shape-shifter running around in the woods frightening hikers.

And I wasn't sure I was prepared to handle that knowledge, especially after how I'd reacted with the whole vampire thing. I wasn't afraid of Jake, at least, not yet, but I was afraid of what he was now. And whether or not our friendship would be able to survive it. Who knew what Sam was telling him, after all. Just because there was now an explanation for anything didn't mean I suddenly trusted Uley.

Besides, I was meeting Edward today, and consequently, an anxious mess without worrying about Jake's... new problems.

Dad caught on to my nerves, and correctly assumed I was attempting to hide something from him. "I don't want you out in the woods today," he told me warningly at breakfast. It was the 18th, finally. A Sunday. "We've got a missing hiker, and with all those reports of wolves…,"

"They're probably just tourists exaggerating," I muttered offhandedly. There was no way in hell Sam and co were responsible for the missing hiker. They'd have to be insane to pull something like that, and just because I thought Sam Uley was manipulative and possibly plotting something didn't mean I thought he was a murderer.

"Bella, I'm serious." He frowned as he put on his jacket. "I know you and Jake aren't hanging out as much, but I don't want you outside wandering around like you like to do."

"Alright," I snapped, and we glowered at each other for a few moments, before I mumbled, "Sorry.", and he let it go.

Of course, as soon as he was gone, I proceeded to get ready to go out into the woods.

The snow we'd gotten had not melted, but it had iced over, and I was careful on the winding roads as I approached the long abandoned Cullen homestead. Edward had suggested it, seeing as the meadow would be extremely difficult to reach at this time of the year, at least for me. I remembered the rush- and panic- of traveling through the woods on his back, and exhaled in a mixture of regret and exasperation.

Even though my feelings were currently mixed, I still missed him. But did I really miss him, the person, or what we'd shared together? Like it or not, Ed had changed my life forever. If not for him I couldn't say for certain that I'd even be the person I was at this moment. We'd never said the dreaded 'I love you', but did I? Love him? Did I even know him well enough to love him? There was so much we'd never discussed, so much I'd passed over in the stress of the past year…

I pulled up to the house, which looked like a ghost, covered in snow, almost fading into the landscape behind it. The river below it, to the back, was no doubt frozen solid. This was a stark contrast from the house I'd last seen in September, as summer took its leave and fall began to settle in. There were no flowers on the steps. No cars in the driveway. No one inside, waiting for me.

I parked under a gnarled oak tree, already scanning the sea of white in front of me for any hint of Edward's presence- a glint of auburn hair, a quiet, snickering laugh, footprints in the snow. But there was nothing but the faint rattle of the breeze through the empty house before me. I approached the front porch, and tried the door. It was locked, of course. I peered into one of the windows, my breath fogging the glass. All I saw were shadows. I was beginning to feel like the victim of a cruel joke. Where was he?

I walked around the house twice, even sticking my head into the barn turned garage, which was completely barren. Nothing. No one was here. I was all alone. I sat in my truck and waited five, then ten minutes. Still no sign of him. Shaking my head a little, I laughed in disbelief, then started to cry. Was he really going to do this to me?

It was so cold that crying sort of hurt, and I jumped out of the truck, stalking back towards the house, and only slipping twice on the frozen ground. There was a loose panel lying on the ground, I heaved it up and threw it at the front door, which it bounced off of uselessly. I looked for some rocks, or anything I could throw, but all I came up was with snow. I chucked some at the windows, and watched the snow slide down the glass as I wiped at my stinging eyes with the back of my gloved hand. Fuck this. Fuck him.

Something shifted behind me. A deliberate cracking of a brittle twig. I whirled around, giddily excited, and came face to face not with Edward, but with an olive-skinned man in a worn out winter coat. After a moment of paralyzed shock, I put a name to the face. Although his formerly long hair was now cropped short, and he was thinner and gaunter than I remembered, some of his muscle lost, it was Laurent.

"Bella," he said, as moderately as I had always remembered him, "I'm not at all surprised to find you here."

I rocked back half a step, as instinct kicked on. Some small part of me was almost pleased to see him, as twisted proof of all that Edward and I had gone through, but the larger part of me was, if not outright terrified, certainly afraid, as if I'd just stumbled upon a grizzly.

"I thought you went to the Denalis," I said, carefully. "In Alaska."

He smiled. "For a while, yes. But I've always been a wanderer, and not even beauties like the Denali sisters could change that."

I glanced around. Of course, we were completely alone. My truck wasn't far, but there was no way I could outrun him to it, and even then…. vampires were strong. It wouldn't take much effort for him to punch through a window. Did he know the Cullens were now with the Denalis? Obviously they weren't here.

Laurent was silent for a moment, dark eyes tracking my every twitch and fidget, before speaking again. "You don't look terribly happy to see me, Bella." His tone was just shy of patronizing, but still as neutral as ever.

"Yes, well, the last time we met your friends were trying to kill me." Granted, they'd actually been after Alice, but I hadn't known that at the time. I was sure he had, however, even if he'd stayed out of it.

"Touche," he said with a small smirk, while I waited for him to get to the point. "The Cullens have abandoned their favorite human, I see."

"Oh," I said coldly. "They keep in touch."

By the way he was looking at me I could tell he was trying to decide whether I was lying or not. I kept my eyes on him, and tried not to look intimidated in the least.

"Really? I didn't pick up any of their smells," he commented.

"Why are you here?" I blurted out, narrowing my eyes.

"Well," Laurent said thoughtfully, stretching a little as if about to run a marathon, "Victoria asked me to do her a favor."

I darted away from him, towards the truck. He caught up with me very easily, spinning me off my feet and onto the frozen ground. I gasped in pain, although nothing seemed broken or hurt, beside a bruised back and bum, and scrambled away from him in the snow.

He laughed, not cruelly, but in bemusement. "You need to relax, Bella. I'm not going to kill you. After all, Victoria wants you alive."

I was busy scrabbling at the ground, looking for anything- a rock, a stick, to defend myself with, not that it would do me any good.

"It's not just you she's upset with," he continued, conversationally, "She was rather put-out with me as well, over the whole ordeal. But I've learned that an angry Victoria is not someone you want to deal with, so I think this should make amends."

He leaned down towards me, and something collided with him.

"Ya know," I distinctly heard Emmett snarled, "I hear an angry me is even worse."

I clumsily got to my feet, backing away in a panic from the blur of grunting, growling bodies, and arms wrapped around me. I shrieked and clawed at the face of whomever it was, only for them to release me. Edward looked at me, and I looked at Edward, before he bounded past me to lunge into the fray.

I wrapped my arms around myself, and this time, I got to watch as the Cullen brothers tore someone apart, and the snow ran red around them. 

_You dug yourself into a pretty mess that I made for you..._

 _\- The Ready Set, 'Killer'_


End file.
